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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22679848">Who are ya?! Who ARE ya?!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyBallyBee/pseuds/AllyBallyBee'>AllyBallyBee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Highway/Carter backstory [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Backstory, F/M, Family History, Gen, M/M, s</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:40:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>35,215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22679848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyBallyBee/pseuds/AllyBallyBee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A backstory involving the past of the Highway and Carter families.  Limited summary to avoid spoilers.  I can say this though:  even though he's not the sole main character,  the story does revolve around Callum.<br/>I started this story in February 2020, (it's now December 2020) when I knew nothing about anything, and I knew even less about fanfic.   I know a little bit more now, so you'll hopefully find that the writing improves as you read.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Linda Carter/Mick Carter, Mick Carter &amp; Callum "Halfway" Highway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Highway/Carter backstory [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1631518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Moving Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my very first foray into creative writing/fan fiction.  I only recently came out as a "shipper".  I'd never heard the word before but through my obsession with EE and Ballum I found it and realised that was I was. I may be a "baby shipper" but I think I've always known!   I've tried to stay as true to the non-original characters as possible.  It will be a fairly lengthy work, set over a longish period of time.  I would lastly say that editing your own work is hard, so please forgive any errors that have slipped through.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter characters:  Mick; New character;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a crisp, spring morning and Mick Carter was out in the Square walking his dog, Lady Di, lost in his thoughts. He had a feeling that his wife Linda had started drinking again. Not as bad as before, but like she was doing a secret, sneaky experiment to see how she got on. She’d been shopping the day before and had come back a little bit <em>too</em> bubbly, and with minty fresh breath. She’d been over excited to show off her purchases, and playfully flirted with her husband. “I love this on” she had said, twirling in front of the mirror. She followed with “I’d love it more if you took it off” and walked towards him, but there had been just the slightest wobble in her stride. Their eyes had locked and then Linda had looked away, sitting down on the bed complaining about her shoes and tired feet after all the walking she had done. Unknown to Linda, Mick was still attending group support meetings for the family and friends of problem drinkers. All the conversations there about co-dependency and learning detachment flooded his mind. He chose to force a smile, muttered something about trainers and had just walked away.</p><p>He pulled out his phone to search for an Al-Anon meeting to try and attend today, just as a large removal van pulled up.</p><p>The van pulled up outside number 43 Albert Square. An old Rover pulled up behind it, and the sole occupant stepped out the car and looked up at the building. She was mid-40s, mid-height and mid-curvy. She was well groomed and had dark blonde hair twisted back and held up with a tortoiseshell hair claw. She turned from looking at the house to take in the Square and made eye contact with Mick. She automatically made a head nod of acknowledgment with a smile but then immediately turned back. “Shit” she thought. Mick stopped in his tracks. Who was that?! He was sure he had seen her before, but she hadn’t seemed to know him; it was just a friendly nod. He shook his head and trudged towards the Queen Victoria public house; both his job and his home. Before entering he stopped and looked up at his live-in accommodation. He took a deep breath and then stepped forward.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dirty Washing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span>Karen Taylor was at work in the launderette, dancing to Matt Bianco on the radio who was telling everyone to get up and get out of their lazy beds.  Before he counts to three.  The door opened and the newest resident of Albert Square came in with two bulging laundry bags.   “Hiya love” said Karen. Pointing at the bags she added “looks like I might keep my job for the next </span><span>coupla</span><span> days, eh?” and gave her usual laugh.  The woman laughed too, and said “well, as a newbie, I’d like to show willing to help the local economy.”  The woman’s accent had a soft Scottish lilt, and Karen said “blimey! you </span><span>Scot’ish</span><span>”?”  The woman nodded. “My boy got married up your way – Gretna.  We drove like maniacs to stop ‘</span><span>im</span><span> but I’m a sucker for romance so.... Well, as I say... he's married.” and she shrugged her shoulders. “You’re a long way from ‘</span><span>ome</span><span>.”   The woman smiled, gave a slight “hmm.”   Looking away, and more to herself than anyone else she mumbled “I’m closer to home than you might think.”   She looked back to Karen, offered her hand and said “Sorry. I’m Ainsley, I’ve just moved into the Square, No.43 </span><span>round</span><span> the corner.”  Karen shook her hand.  “</span><span>Awww</span><span>, welcome lovey, I’m Karen. I’m just </span><span>over</span><span> the other side at No. 23.  </span><span>Anyfin</span><span> you need to know or borrow, just let me know.  I tell </span><span>ya</span><span> who’ll lend it you” and she laughed again.     “Listen, best way to get </span><span>yerself</span> <em><span>aquainted</span></em><span>” the last word was </span><span>emphasised</span><span> with a fake posh accent, “an’ settled right in, is to get yourself to the pub.  Queen Vic on the corner. It’s a great boozer; real community pub </span><span>ya</span><span> know.”   Ainsley smiled and said “yeah, I dare say I’ll head there one night”, but she didn’t sound convincing.</span></p><p>
  <span>Ainsley's mind was racing and her stomach was knotting.  She was here.  Finally here.  Here for him.  She’d dreamt about it for months.  Well, years really but her plan had only been formulated in the last few months, after she finally </span>
  <span>realised</span>
  <span> her marriage was over.  She had grabbed her freedom with both hands.  Replacing her shitty reality with dreams.  But fantasy was fast becoming reality and she was terrified now she was really here.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oblivious to her customer’s turmoil, Karen said “In fact, I’m going in tonight – come </span>
  <span>wiv</span>
  <span> me and meet some of the troops.  </span>
  <span>You</span>
  <span> Jocks like a drink anyway, </span>
  <span>dontcha</span>
  <span>?  You’ll fit right in.”  Ainsley snapped back to the conversation, flinching at the use of the word “Jock”, but responded with a smile saying “okay, but as long as you don’t try to make me eat any jellied eels.” Karen laughed and said “Nah love, but if you </span>
  <span>eva</span>
  <span> change your mind we can always stop in the chippy.”   Ainsley pretended to be sick and both women laughed, before discussing the service washes and the tip box next to the till. </span>
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Red Red Wine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="TextRun BCX2 SCXW156596074"><span class="NormalTextRun BCX2 SCXW156596074">Ainsley was sitting in front of the mirror applying a slick of her </span></span><span class="TextRun BCX2 SCXW156596074"><span class="SpellingError BCX2 SCXW156596074">l'amoureuse</span></span><span class="TextRun BCX2 SCXW156596074"><span class="NormalTextRun BCX2 SCXW156596074"> shade of Chanel lipstick. It complimented the light magenta coloured cotton top she had chosen to wear over a pair of regular fit jeans. She thought they look good on, but kids no doubt would consider them to be “mom jeans”.   She sighed, took a sip from a glass of red wine on the dresser and looked herself in the eye.  “Well… This is why you came here” she said aloud and raised the glass to her reflection.  She drained the wine and stood up</span></span>.</p><p>---</p><p>She was outside the door of the pub and took a deep breath.  She made to move forward, but stopped herself.  Looking at her hands she saw she was trembling despite her “pre-game" drink.  “Please don’t let him be here tonight” she whispered to whatever god was listening. She took another deep breath, wiped her hands down her sides and pushed open the door. </p><p>She walked in and scanned the pub, praying that the laundry woman was already there.  It wasn’t really who she would have picked as her first friend on the Square; she was rough round the edges to say the least, however she had been friendly enough and a good port in this storm.  “AINS!!”   Ainsley turned around to her left and there, standing up with her hands cupped round her mouth, was Karen.  “AINS - OVER ‘ERE”.   Grateful for a raft to cling to, Ainsley put on her best smile and walked over.  “Hiya!  See, I came.  Thanks for inviting me.”  Karen grabbed her in a stuffy hug and said “You’re welcome, now grab yourself a drink and then get sat down.  I’ll ‘ave a lager, if you’re buying”.  Ainsley rolled her eyes but smiled and then gestured to the rest of the table “Anyone else?  First round on me”.    Drinks order taken, she turned and walked to bar taking another deep breath to settle herself.   </p><p>Shirley stepped over to serve Karen’s new friend, and welcomed her with her usual death stare.   Ainsley recited the order, and then asked what red wines did they have, or was there a wine list?   Shirley hardened her stare and snarled “red or white, large or small.  This ain’t Shoreditch you know.”   Ainsley eyed her bartender up and down and said “Okaaaay.   I’ll have a large red then.  But if you can hold the spit?”    Shirley had been walking away to get the drinks, but rounded at the last comment.  Mick shot over right away.  “Muvver?” and after a small pause continued “Go take a ciggie break.  I’ll serve the lovely lady.  Now, what can I getcha?”   </p><p>Mick locked eyes with Ainsley and she felt her heart beating out her chest. With all the bravado she could muster she explained to Mick she was only hoping to order a Cab Sauv or a Malbec. “We’ve got a loverly Cabernet my sweet” he said before adding “and a large one will be on the ‘ouse,” as he smiled and looked round in the direction Shirley had stomped.  Ainsley thanked him and then repeated the rest of the order.</p><p>She was distracted wondering why Mick had called his sister ‘mother’.  Maybe it was some sort of stupid nickname? Shirley certainly had always been big on interfering in the affairs of others.</p><p>Mick was now pouring a lager and tilted his head as he eyed his customer. “’Ave you just moved into No.43? I fink it was you I saw wiv the van, yeah?” Looking around the pub to avoid eye contact, Ainsley confirmed that yes, she was the new resident adding "I’ve not long split from my husband. I wanted a fresh start and it was a good price.”  She was rambling.  Fuck’s sake she thought. Shut up  with the nervous drivel. Idiot!!  “Not from round here, are ya?” questioned Mick, bringing Ainsley back in the room. He’d spotted her the minute she had walked in.  Something was nagging at him.  The accent didn’t fit, but... she looks just like, just like.... ugh!  Who was it?  Who is she?  Why do I fink I know her?  Who are ya? he wanted to ask.  Instead he said “It’s just, you look familiar. I’m sure I know ya from somewhere. Ever lived round here before? Or Canning Tahn?</p><p>Ainsley prayed her face wouldn’t betray her, but she felt a flush on her cheeks. “Nah mate” she said. “I’m all ‘Jock’. How much?”  Her tone was curt as she wanted this interaction to stop.  “Sorry sweetheart,” Mick said softly, but completely unconvinced. “I must be mistaken. You must ‘ave one of those, what is it? Schadenfreudes or sumfing. My bad.” He offered his hand and said “Mick. Mick Carter, landlord of this fine establishment”.</p><p>He looked Ainsley in the eye, giving her a challenge to declare who she was. “Ainsley. And it’s doppelganger.”  “Doppelganger? Ain’t eva ‘eard that as a surname – you an’ Ethel then?!”  He was laughing but also continuing to scrutinise.  He <em>knew</em> he knew this woman. <span class="TextRun BCX2 SCXW82607853"><span class="NormalTextRun BCX2 SCXW82607853">The colour of her top made the green of her eyes pop and he’d definitely seen these mince pies before. </span></span> “Doppelganger” Ainsley repeated.  “The spitting image of someone else.”  “Oh, right. So, what <em>is</em> ya last name, then?”  He was trying his best with the jolly landlord façade.  “Paterson. Is that my change?”  Mick handed over the coins and whispered “Paterson. Right. Paterson”.  He then lifted his tone and said “Well, Ainsley Paterson, welcome to Albert Square and welcome to the Queen Vic.  Don’t be a stranger!”  Ainsley smiled weakly, said thanks for the wine then took the drinks back to the table. “Fuck”, she thought as she walked. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!”.  She forced a big smile as she put the drinks down and said “Right, lager for Karen, red wine for me.  G&amp;T for ?, second lager for ?, white wine for?” and looked questioningly at the recipients. “These drinks gotta have names before I sit”. Everyone at the table laughed and introduced themselves.  Ainsley was thankful just to sit with these strangers and that some friendly low key chatter began to flow.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Heartbreak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was another bright morning when Ainsley walked through the market and around the corner where she spotted the Funeral Directors across the street.   She stopped and pulled out her phone seemingly Googling something or reading a message.  She hadn't been standing for long when two men came out the shared door of the shop.  She was transfixed.  Their body language made it obvious that they were a couple, and she retreated behind a flower stall to remain unseen as she continued to watch them.   The smaller of the two men stepped up and kissed his boyfriend goodbye. He called out as he walked away  “Lunch. Vic. 1 o’clock.”   The tall one smiled as he watched his man walk.  “I’ll be there before yew!” he called before he turned and stepped back in the building.   </p><p>Ainsley couldn’t move.  Her breathing was fast and she had to lean back on the wall for support.  Her eyes filled with tears, as her hand unconsciously moved to her mouth where she was now gulping sobs.  Before she knew what she was doing, she had walk/ran back to her house and once inside, she slid to the floor and let the sobs out.  Curled up in the foetus position, just inside her door, Ainsley lay and let her heart break open.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. STARE/OFF</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ainsley looked at herself in the mirror.   “You look like a bloody boxer”, she chastised.  Her face was red and blotchy and her eyes were puffy; like she really had gone a couple of rounds.  She walked to the kitchen and pulled out a chilled gel eye-mask from the fridge before moving into the lounge, lying on the sofa and putting the mask on.   She took it off again almost immediately, grabbed her phone and set the alarm for noon.  She applied the mask again and lay back down.  The crying had helped.  She felt better and gave a soft smile as she lay.  </p><p>---</p><p>She checked the time on her phone as she stood outside the Vic.  1310hrs.  She then stepped inside and looked around.  Even though she was only here to see these boys, she still froze when her eyes located them.  They were sitting in the far corner having lunch.</p><p>She saw a corner table just to her left where she could sit and observe.  Taking her purse out, she threw her bag on the seat and proceeded to the bar.  It was a blonde who served her, but both women were so distracted, if either of them was questioned on the transaction, neither would recall much. </p><p>Just as Linda handed the lady her change, Mick came through.  “Oh ‘ello. Glad you came back.”  Ainsley turned and seeing Mick again made her gulp, but she regained her composure well and after taking a big sip of wine, didn’t feel quite as skittish as their first encounter. She leaned back on a bar stool.  “Well, I’m not normally a day drinker, but I fancied a cheeky bar lunch so here I am.”</p><p>Linda scowled at the interaction with her husband and spotting the glare, Ainsley introduced herself.  “Oh, so you’re Jack’s buyer?” said Linda, still checking out this woman of similar age that Mick seemed to already know.  “Yes” replied Ainsley, while thinking ‘Holy shit!  Linda?!’ She hadn’t noticed her in any of the photos. Maybe she wasn’t in any that he'd posted?  Ainsley then registered the portrait of Princess Diana on the wall.  “Wow, still?!”  she chuckled inwardly.  Out loud she said “and I’m starving. Maybe you can tell me what’s good?”  </p><p>She sat with her wine and nibbled on the ploughman’s of the soup/sandwich combo she had ordered, although she had lied about her appetite.  In fact, her stomach was churning like one of Karen’s washers.   She scrolled through her phone again, pretending to be reading, but she only had eyes for the handsome couple some tables over.  They were engrossed in each other, oblivious to her stare. Eyes twinkling, comfortable laughter and almost furtive touching of hands and teasing face strokes.  Ainsley was so engrossed herself that she didn’t feel Mick staring at her.  He was puzzled and uneasy.   Linda had gone for a “nap” so Shirley was behind the bar now and sidled up to Mick.  “Does Wine List owe you money?” she rasped to Mick, who shifted his position, but not his gaze.  “Mother....”, his tone was slightly annoyed, but it was a lazy telling off.  He stopped staring and then said, “She’s just moved in next to Beale.  I am sure I know her from somewhere, but I can’t place her.  Do you think you’ve seen her anywhere before?”  Shirley shook her head.  “It feels like she knows me too, but denied she’s ever been anywhere near here.  It’s doin’ my nut”.   Shirley just snorted and walked off. </p><p>Ainsley was snapped her out of her intrusive gaze when her phone buzzed.  She furrowed her brow, sighed and brusquely answered the call.  “James?”.  She grabbed her bag and left the pub to continue the call.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Falling in Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Outside the pub now, Ainsley was barking down the line “I don’t give a <em>fuck</em> if little Brie or Cheddar wants to go on a school trip. She’s not my kid<em>. </em>She’s not even <em>your </em>kid!  You chose this new life for yourself and you don’t get a penny from that account until the divorce is done. <em>Especially </em>for one of <em>her</em> feral brats.” Barely pausing for breath, her rant continued “Look, d’ye know what? I don’t have time for this. Why don’t you get her to ask wee Red Leicester’s <em>actual </em>dad? Or can’t she remember who that is?” The last line was spat out with bitterness as she stabbed her finger repeatedly at the end call button.</p><p>She was mid huff when she felt herself being pushed forward. Turning around, one of the boys she had been watching in the pub grabbed her by both elbows and Ainsley was instantly panic stricken.</p><p>“I’m sooooo sorry!!” the boy exclaimed. “My boyfriend...   he … Ben!!”.   Ben stepped forward and apologised too. “I was giving him a shove, but he weren’t ready were ya? You okay?”   Ainsley was speechless and the panic was showing in her face.   “I’m fine, fine” she eventually stuttered. “I just, phone... husband... moron... look, it's fine”. She was acutely aware the tall one was still holding her steady by her elbows. “You sure?” Ben said inquisitively, wondering why this woman was as nervous as a kitten. The tall one butted in. “Listen, I’m Callum and this is my boyfriend Ben. Sorry for startling ya. Maybe we’ll see you around and buy you a drink to say sorry. You sure you’re okay?” He looked concerned at Ainsley, who still had an expression of fright. Ainsley clutched Callum’s arms as he was holding her. She looked up into the striking blue of his eyes and her knees buckled.</p><p>Callum caught her fall. “Whoa! Here, lemme walk you home” he said as he gently manoeuvred Ainsley’s hold onto one arm and then said goodbye to Ben. “I’ll see you at home later” and he puckered an air kiss before he turned back to Ainsley. “Do you need a doctor or summink? I didn’t think I bumped you that ‘ard but you look well shook up. I’m so sorry!”.   Ainsley straightened herself up and pleaded “Please, stop apologising. You barely touched me. It’s me. I’ve had some wine and a shitty call with my soon-to-be ex- husband. I’ll be fine. Please. Don’t let me hold you back”.   “You ain’t” he countered, “now, you nearby?”.   Ainsley still dazed, just nodded in the direction of her house.</p><p>Callum walked her to the door and stayed while she fumbled her key in the lock, eventually getting the door open. Ainsley leaned on the door frame and tried to straighten herself up as best she could.  She took a deep breath and turned to face him. “Thank you, <em>Callum</em>. That was very sweet of you.” She placed her hands on either side of his face and thought her heart might burst out her chest. Saying his name out loud felt like melting chocolate in her mouth.  She looked up and straight into his eyes and said “You’re obviously a very kind heart. Your mum, she, she, she must be very proud of you.” Her eyes were watery as she pulled his head forward and placed a kiss on his forehead. She then quickly drew her hands back, coughed awkwardly and said, “Sorry - I’m really am <em>not</em> a day drinker!”  At that, she abruptly turned and closed the door.   Callum stood staring at the door feeling a little bit stupefied, but then he shook his head and walked to the gate. When he reached the street, he gave a backward glance at the door, chuckled quietly and walked on. Ben, meanwhile, had watched the whole interaction from the car lot.</p><p>Inside, behind the door, Ainsley could barely contain herself. She was cry laughing with her hands held tight at her chest. She turned and peeked through the spyhole. He had gone. She leaned back on the door and squealed, feeling like a kid in a sweet shop. She looked up and said aloud “God, if you want to take me now, you can.” She was beaming through her tears.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. L.O.L.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>M/M Explicit<br/>All Callum and Ben content<br/>This chapter is one of the saucy ones, so be warned. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sooooo, did you get away safely from helping the little old lady then?”. Ben’s voice dripped with sarcasm as his head rested on Callum’s chest. Callum just rolled his eyes. “I dunno” he said and then paused. Ben lifted his head. “So, you <em>didn’t</em> get away safe?! Aye, aye!!”   “No!! I don’t mean that” Callum protested. “I mean, I got her to her ‘ouse, but it was weird. She was trembling the whole time.”   “I’m the only one you should be giving knee tremblers to” Ben piped up. “Don’t you be going half-way back again wiv an ol' Milf".   Callum shifted in his seat and admonished his lover with a terse “Ben!” He sighed and then said “I walked her back to the ‘ouse and she was shaking the whole way. She even had trouble getting her key in the door! When she did, she calmed down a bit but that's when it got a bit weird. Said what a kind boy I was and that me mum must be proud.” “Oh yeah?” Ben said. He had put his head back on Callum’s chest, but was listening intently. “Anyfin else?”   Callum sighed again.   “Then she kissed me on me for’ead” he eventually admitted. “It was daft. Made me feel like a little boy like at church or sumfin.”   Ben laughed and then raised his voice. “You cheater!!   Like me old nan used to say: ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’.” Callum tried to call out Ben’s name in annoyance, but his boy had already moved up and was tickling him, chanting “cheater, cheater”. He stopped and then pulled Callum in for some hot kisses.</p><p>“C’mere” he breathed, in between the kissing.  “Let me demonstrate... why... you should stay... wiv the boys...” At that, he slowly unbuttoned Callum’s shirt, kissing and nibbling his way down his chest. Callum didn’t move except to place his hands on Ben’s shoulders. Ben was kissing his belly with darting licks while undoing his belt. Callum slowed his breathing... he was rock hard.   Ben looked up at him, licked his lips and placed his mouth at the tip Callum's cock.   Callum gasped as he felt the warm breath on him, and again as Ben's lips parted at the top of his shaft.   Ben slowly drew Callum into his mouth and begin to suck. Callum let out a soft moan and Ben watched him as he pumped his mouth up and down. He loved sucking Callum off. He always got hard watching him react while he pleasured him.  He'd got himself hard on his own more than once just thinking about it. </p><p>Callum’s head was back, a look of bliss on his face while he quietly moaned “Ben... Bennnn”.   Ben took out his own cock and masturbated, as his hot and willing mouth worked its magic. This feeling of control over Callum was an extra thrill. He sucked harder as he felt Callum about to cum, feeling his own cock stiffen more as Callum climaxed in his mouth. He swallowed, keeping his hand soft on Callum as he stood up increasing the rhythm on himself. Callum leaned forward and took Ben’s hand, placing a finger in his mouth. He and Ben locked eyes. Ben’s eyes then rolled back in ecstasy as Callum sucked. Ben pushed his finger deeper into Callum’s mouth and he grasped his face and cried out when he felt himself release.</p><p>As they sat on the sofa cleaning up with towels and catching their breath,  they were both smiling.  A fresh spark hit as they looked at each other and they both gave a coy laugh.  Then, in unison they said “Go to bed?”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Take A Chance On Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ainsley was sitting at the bar of the Albert nursing a glass of wine, when Tina walked in. “Oh, ‘ello!” she greeted Ainsley as she stepped behind the bar. They had met in the launderette previously, and Ainsley was sure she hadn’t and wouldn’t recognise her. She could only have been nine or ten when it happened.</p><p>The longer she stayed on the Square, the more confidence she gained, so Ainsley had promised to come and see the venue. “So, whatcha fink?” Tina asked. Ainsley nodded approvingly, making a show of looking around. “I love it!” she said. “But then, I’m partial to gay bars.” Tina looked and raised an eyebrow. “I think you’ll have worked out I’m about as cishet as they come...no pun intended” she winked as she spoke, “but gay bars; always have the best music!”   As if to prove her point, ‘Voulous Vous’ by Abba started up and as Ainsley splayed her hands out with a shrug, the two women laughed. “I may be straight” Ainsley said above the music, “but, if I ever change my mind, I promise...you’ll be my first”. They laughed again while Tina poured them both shots. Ainsley relaxed as she felt the liquor track its hot path down her insides. She felt happy. She liked Tina and would try to hang out with her again, even if it meant she had to tread carefully. She needed friends round here, and while Karen was nice enough, Tina was definitely more her style.</p><p>As the girls took the shots, Callum and Ben entered the bar. Callum, ever polite said “Hello again!” and Ben grunted an “Awlright.   You look betta than the last time we saw ya.”  Ainsley straightened up immediately when she saw them, but then addressed Ben’s comment. “You caught me on a bad day. Let me buy you both a drink to make up for it”. “No!” said Callum and Ainsley blanched. “We owe <em>yew</em>.” He continued. “You’da been fine if this one hadn’t shoved me inta ya”. Visibly relaxing, Ainsley said “I tell you what. You buy me a drink; I’ll buy you boys a shot and then we’re both quits”.   They all smiled in agreement and the drinks were poured.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Under Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben started up the conversation, cross examining Ainsley on her life. He really wasn’t sure about this lady.</p><p>“Where you from?” “Glasgow.”</p><p>“Single or married?” “Separated.”</p><p>“Why?” “He’s a cheater.”</p><p>“Kids?” “No”</p><p>“Straight?” “Yes”</p><p>“Wotcha doing ‘ere?” “Meeting my friend” and she pointed to Tina.</p><p>“I meant <em>here</em>, Walford” “I work in the city”</p><p>“Doing wot”? “Office manager”</p><p>“Always done that?” “No, ex-army.”</p><p>“Ever killed someone?” “No. But if I ever change my mind, I promise, you’ll be my first.”</p><p>She looked at Tina. Ben raised an eyebrow, but saw that Ainsley and Tina were now both doubled over with laughter and high fiving. “Have I missed summink?” Ben was trying to supress his annoyance at seemingly being the butt of a joke. Catching her breath, Ainsley smiled and said, “No, honestly, it’s, it’s nothing. It’s just...” she exhaled “I literally just said the same thing to Tina, but in a slightly different context.” She winked at Tina and they both stifled giggles.</p><p>“This might be easier than I thought.” Ainsley speculated. Her heart was still pounding, being in this company, but not quite as much as when they first walked in. With the help of the shots, she was beginning to unwind and so settled back into her bar stool.<br/>
She was actually so focussed on Callum that she was oblivious to Ben’s increasing focus on her...</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Too Many Cooks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You were in the army?!”, Callum asked. “I was” Ainsley replied. “Almost 25 years.”   Callum spoke again, “25 years?!?! What rank were you when you left?!” “I was a WO2” Callum was impressed and responded with a “Wow!”, but Ben and Tina looked blank. Callum explained “Warrant Officer Class 2 – Squadron Sergeant Major!” Ainsley laughed and said “At ease, soldier! I should have been Regimental Sergeant Major by that time, but, well” and she shrugged. Ben raised his eyebrow and asked “How did you know Callum was in the army?”</p><p>“Were you?” Ainsley feigned surprise. Callum nodded. “How did you know?” Ben asked again. Ainsley sighed. “Why do you think I knew already?” “’At ease, soldier’?” he pressed on, trying not to show his annoyance.  “It’s an expression, Ben. Like if someone is being bossy you would “Sir, yes Sir! Or Ma’am, yes Ma’am.” and she gave him a wink. Ben felt unsure – was he seeing too much in this?</p><p>Ben should have trusted his instincts on this occasion, as Ainsley <em>had</em> known Callum was in the army. Facebook had provided that little nugget of information. She had been genuinely floored when she found out. Especially when she realised he’d been a chef too. Just like when she joined.  She had already left the army before Callum did though, so she didn’t know exactly why he had left. She was just about to ask him when he jumped in first and asked the exact same question.</p><p>“Well,” Ainsley chose to rely on the philosophy that had served her well so far, which was to keep the story vague and as close to the truth as possible, so it’s easier not to trip up on the lies. “Without getting too deep, I joined up for family and discipline – the army gave me both when I had none, but then 20 odd years later I realised that there are things in your life that the army can’t fulfil.   But what about you? Why did you leave?”</p><p>Callum related his story, and Ainsley sympathised outwardly, but her stomach lurched at the details. She was glad he was a civvy now. Apart from the danger, she knew it still wasn’t that easy to be gay in the army. She had another burning question anyway…</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Love Hurts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How did your parents cope with your injury and then leaving? It must have been such a relief! They would have been out of their minds with worry about you?”     “Nah, not really” Callum said, looking downcast. “What?!” Ainsley failed to conceal her shock and would need to rein herself in.</p><p>Ben decided to take things over. “One of the things we ‘ave in common innit. Nightmare dads. ‘Is old man, couldn’t care less about him, eh?” Callum nodded and a darker shadow cast over his face. “I’ve told him, some dads are just blokes that got your mum pregnant."  Ainsley's stomach lurched.  Ben continued, "Got worse when he came out.   Old east end boys don’t like it much if their sons are gay. Though, surprisingly, my dad is actually more at peace with it than I think ol’ Jonno will ever be. He thinks his homophobia is one of his good points, dinnee?” Callum and Tina both nodded their agreement. Ainsley felt sick on hearing this, although it shouldn‘t really have surprised her.   “I’m so sorry to hear that” she managed to say. “but what about your mum? Mums, I mean, are they supportive?”   She looked to Ben, trying to deflect from her keenness in Callum.   “Well, my mum’s the owner of this pub, so....” “Oh wow” said Ainsley. “That’s... that’s... fabulous!” and she sang the last word, but it was nervy. They all kindly gave her a snuffling laugh. Unfortunately, this made Ainsley feel she had broken the tension and she couldn’t stop herself continuing. “What about <em>your</em> mum, Callum? Does she stick up for you?” Ben prickled at this persistent probing. Callum’s face darkened again, and she noticed Ben put a hand on his leg. “My mum, she... well, she left when I was little”.   Ainsley felt sick to the pit of her stomach. WTF?? “Oh shit, I’m sorry about that too!” There was an awkward silence.</p><p>“Maybe we should change the subject.” Ainsley said to break the tension. “I’m sorry – I don’t mean to be so nosy.”  “Reallly?” said Ben. “Yes. I can’t help it. It’s my job. To know stuff. To know <em>people’s</em> stuff. Back stories. Sometimes I forget I’m not working so please, don’t mind me. I’ve got a thick hide so if it’s too much, just tell me to shut up”. “Okay,” Ben said. “Shut up.” He frowned, but following a nudge from Callum, he smiled. But it was as fake as a nine pound note. Callum tried to make her feel better by saying “You weren’t to know. It’s alright. That’s life, innit?” and he gave her a million dollar smile that made her heart melt.</p><p>Ainsley chastised herself realising that she had probably pushed Callum a bit too far in her eagerness to learn what she could about him. “Enough” she said inwardly.</p><p>Out loud she said “Ben, what is you do?” The response was terse. “Motors. Selling and repairing”.   “Oooh, it is always handy to know a mechanic” said said brightly, ignoring the tone of his voice.  “Especially if you’ve got an old lady car.”   Ben said that he had seen her old car around the square. “And ‘aving seen it, I would suggest you visit the car lot rather than the Arches.” Ainsley pretended to be offended and looked to Tina for support. “He ain‘t wrong ya know” Tina said apologetically. “It don’t do much for ya street cred”.   Ainsley smiled. “I have street cred?!”   “Not wiv that car” Ben replied. Ainsley feigned injury. “Ouch!”</p><p>Ainsley then drained her glass of wine and said “Well, I can’t have too much fun on a school night, so I’ll be making tracks” she sighed. “Thank God tomorrow’s Friday. Enjoy the rest of your night guys. Callum; take care. Tina; Thank you. And Ben, I’ll maybe wander over to the car lot on Saturday.” “No problem” he said as both he and Callum raised their glasses.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Someday My Prince Will Come?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ainsley sat on her sofa and poured a glass of red as she emailed her boss apologising that she wouldn’t be in the next day.  She’d had too much on her mind now without the added worry of not getting enough sleep.  She was so happy that she had spent time in his company; came to know him a bit, and his story.  He’d turned out so well.  She was so glad, but in reality, how had that happened?!  What had she been expecting?! A baby Jonno?!   Callum was in fact handsome, brave and kind.  He was a Prince among men.  </p><p>She smiled warmly to herself while she dismissed her nagging subconscious asking her again what the fuck she thought she was she doing?!   She made her next thought Ben.  The boyfriend.  He was a bit of bad boy but they obviously adored each other, so she would make an effort to ignore the bad and look for the good.  She sank back into the sofa and smiled once more.  This might just work!</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Suspicious Minds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben and Callum walked hand in hand as they left the Albert. “I quite like her” Callum was saying. “She’s a laugh, and she had some interesting army tales”.   Ben stopped walking abruptly, which meant Callum did too. “D’ya fancy her then, do ya? A little bit of, um, Sarn’t Major I’d like to..” “Ben!” Callum interjected. He then pulled himself to full height, intentionally putting his head back and looking down to his boyfriend. “Would you rather I was friendly wiv other blokes then?” he teased. “Oh, she’s ya friend now, is she?” Ben enquired. He knew Callum would never look at anyone else. Neither would he. And while there something about this woman’s interest in Callum that bothered him, Ben soothed his boyfriend and said “Okay, okay, she’s alright. I like ‘er. A bit.” Callum smiled and kissed him saying “’A bit? I sense a but”. “Oooo Callum, bit saucy. I like that!” and he squeezed Callum’s bum cheeks.  He just got one of Callum’s ‘looks’ in reply. “I just fink she’s a lot nosy that’s all. And nosy people make me nervous. But that‘s me. Super suspicious. It ain’t always a bad thing”.   Callum half nodded and kissed him again before they restarted their walk home.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Who Are Ya? (1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ainsley steeled herself and walked across the square to the car lot. Nervously she pretended to view the cars, faking interest in a fairly new Mercedes A Class. She was there for a few minutes without any attention and began to lose confidence. She was just about to walk away when Ben came out the portacabin. “Hiya” he smiled, but suspicion was in his eyes.   “I said I'd come over”. Ainsley’s reply was as breezy as she could manage. She wasn’t really sure this was her best idea. Buying a car or not – either way - it could get messy. And she didn’t need messy. Not here.</p><p>“See anything you fancy?” Ben raised an eyebrow. “Well, as you already know, I tend gravitate towards older models”. Ainsley may have been nervous, but she was also sharp.   Hopefully sharp enough to deal with this baby Arthur Daley. He responded with “Okay, okay.   What kind of <em>car</em> are you looking for then?”   “Boring and reliable.” Ainsley replied. “A bit like myself”.   Ben stiffened and replied “Oh, I don’t think I’d say that about <em>you</em>".   “What <em>would </em>you say then?” Ainsley got into the verbal sparring. Ben tilted his head. “I don’t quite know what I’d say, yet.” He emphasised the ‘T’. “I know what I would <em>ask </em>though”.   Ainsley leaned one hand on the bonnet of a car. “Go on”.   “Who are ya?” Ben asked. “What you really doing ‘ere?”  </p><p>Ainsley sat back on the car. “Who are ya?” she repeated. “Is that not the first question of an English pub quiz?”. They both gave a sarky laugh. Ainsley continued. “Do you know what the first question of a Scottish pub quiz is?”   “Enlighten me”. Putting on as gruff a Scottish accent as she could she said “What are you looking at?” and she eyeballed Ben. Continuing after a pause she said “Tell me, do you treat all your customers with this level of suspicion?” Ben flushed slightly. Ainsley stood up and said “Look, I hope I didn’t offend you or Callum the other night. If I did, I can assure you it was not my intention”. Ben countered “What was your intention?”   “I had no intention. I was in for a drink with Tina. Why would I have an <em>intention</em>? Why do you think I have some sort of agenda?”   She was beginning to feel scared at how close to the truth this all was, but decided attack was the best form of defence: “I didn’t even know you’d be there.”  Ben thought for a moment. “You just seemed a bit too interested in my boyfriend.” Ainsley felt her face flush and willed her cheeks to cool. She pushed on with her challenge to him though. “Are you, are you <em>jealous?! </em>Oh, you silly little boy.” Ben ruffled, especially at being patronised. “Of course, I was interested in him.   He’s ex-army. So am I. It would surely be weird if I <em>wasn’t</em> interested? You know I’m new round here and was just being friendly. I’ll be sure not to be such a try hard in future”. She moved to walk away. Ben called after her. “Wait, look, sorry.”  Ainsley stopped. “I just felt you it were a bit, you know, cougar-y. You wouldn’t be the first woman to find him attractive".   “God, you couldn’t be further from the truth” she muttered before continuing home. “What?” Ben called out. Ainsley turned and said slowly “God’s......struth!” before turning and walking away, continuing to mutter under her breath.  The mutterings were liberally peppered with more than a few “fucks”.</p><p>Ben stared after her, only brought back when he heard Callum’s voice. “What did you do, Ben? What d’ya say?” His voice was soft, but Callum at his side was looking at him questioningly while also glancing at Ainsley’s retreating figure. “Nuffink” said Ben. “She‘s just immune to the Mitchell charm in’t she.” He gave Callum a cheeky smile as he pulled him in for a kiss.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Wrong Person Meeting (1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a tense afternoon in the Queen Vic.   Linda had felt her secret experimenting with an occasional glass of vino had gone well.  It had given her confidence, so her drinking had begun again in earnest, as had her denials. She sat with a large glass of white wine at the bar and smiled sarcastically at Mick and Shirley. “What?” she spat. “L. L, I can’t go down this road again babe.” Mick replied, every hurt emotion showing on his face. “You’re both paranoid” she spat her words again, before getting up. “It’s just one glass. Can’t hurt.” Shirley looked at Mick and walked away, returning seconds later with Linda’s jacket and Mick’s car keys. She grabbed Linda and pulled her into the hallway before releasing her. “You wanna drink?” Shirley snarled. “You wanna DRINK??   Well, not ‘ERE!!” She grabbed Linda again, and she screamed “WHERE YOU TAKING ME? I AIN’T GOING! LEMME GO!!!”   Shirley was having none of it though and dragged her out to the car and threw her in the passenger seat. “YOUR MUVVA’S” Shirley shouted in Linda’s face. “You think it’s alright but we don’t, so you can go and let ya muvva deal wiv ya”.   Linda sat quietly and breathed hard. She decided to let Shirley take her. At least at her mum’s, she could have a drink without being judged. And maybe she would listen to her side of the story. “FINE” she screamed. Shirley and Mick looked at each, unsure of the next step. Mick nodded and Shirley got in the car and drove off. Mick turned away and wiped his eyes.</p><p>---</p><p>Later, Shirley and Mick were in the kitchen upstairs at the Vic discussing what had happened. By the time they’d got to Watford, Linda was as nice as ninepence, Shirley had said. Linda had given some cock and bull story to her mum about missing her and just wanting to see her. Her mum had not been convinced, but took Linda in anyway, giving Shirley a look that seem to say that she knew Linda and Mick were no doubt having problems again, but she was prepared to side with her daughter.  </p><p>Mick looked upset, and Shirley stood up and rested a hand on his shoulder.   “I think I might go to one of me meetings tonight mum, if you don’t mind covering and looking after my little man?” Shirley sat back down next to him. “Course not son. It’s just, it’s not you who should be going to bloody meetings. It’s HER”.   “I know, mum, I know. But I get something out of it, and it’s good to step away from here for a bit”.   Shirley hugged her son, and then with her hands on each side of his arms said softly, “Whatever you need, Mick. Whatever you need”. Mick smiled weakly, but got up, put his coat on and went downstairs.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Wrong Person Meeting (2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jonno stepped out from the Tube station, taking a last swig of lager from his can. He crushed it and then threw it away, before rummaging in a cheap plastic bag for another. He hadn’t worked for a couple of weeks and needed one of his useless sons to support their father. After all he’d done for them, he deserved it. He retrieved a can and looked up as he made to open it. He then wobbled as all the colour drained from his face. He visibly shrank in size at who he saw.<br/>
-<br/>
Mick had his head down as he made his way to the Tube station. The meeting he was planning to go to was in a hall one stop away, and it would only have taken him longer if he’d driven there – the traffic at this time was always bad at the ring road. He looked up as he walked past the Albert and then stopped in his tracks. Jonno. Fuck, what was he doing here? Again. He was about to brace himself for the encounter, but he stopped as he saw Jonno react to something. React badly. Something he saw had made Jonno look like he might collapse. Mick leaned back into the wall to watch.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Ghosts (Part One)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“What’s up, Jonno?! You look like you’ve seen a ghost”.</p><p> </p><p>Jonno stood, stock still. His mouth gaped open, but no sound came out.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Ghosts (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mick couldn’t believe his eyes.   Ainsley?! Ainsley knew Jonno? Jonno knew her! But the sight of her looked like it would end him.  Mick knew he hadn’t been wrong. He <em>DID </em>know her, despite the accent and her denials. What the fuck?!</p><p> </p><p>Ainsley took a step towards Jonno.</p><p> </p><p>She lifted her chin and leaned forward.</p><p> </p><p>“BOO!” she said.</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Little Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger warning - sexual assault; underage; sexual abuse;</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jonno jumped back.</p><p>“Cat got your tongue Jonno?” Ainsley said. Her heart felt like it was about to burst through her chest with panic, but she had known this day would come, and she would be damned if she’d ever let Jonno Highway get the better of her again.</p><p>Another minute of silence passed before Jonno finally found his voice. “What....what...what are you doin’ here, you,….you,... you little slag?”</p><p>“I see you’ve still got the charm for the ladies”</p><p>“You ain’t no lady” Jonno spat on the pavement. “why are you talking funny?”</p><p>“Because of how far you forced me to run. But I told you Jonno, I <em>told</em> you. You wouldn’t be able to keep him from me forever.”</p><p>Jonno wanted to roar, but when his voice came out, it was weak and shaky. “You stay away from ‘im. He’s nuffin to do wiv you. You gave him up. You gave him to me“.</p><p>Ainsley stepped closer.    </p><p>“I didn’t give him away! You TOOK him! I was FIFTEEN, Jonno”. Her teeth were clenched. “Barely fifteen. Fourteen when you raped me.”</p><p>Mick’s eyes rolled back in his head. What the fuck was going on here?!</p><p>Jonno countered “You asked for it. Right little tart you were. Even ya dad thought so”</p><p>This comment hit Ainsley hard and she stepped back. As difficult as it was though, she pushed herself back up. “Having sex with someone <em>against their will </em>Jonno, makes you a rapist. And having sex with someone underage; <em>that</em>, Jonno, makes you a paedophile.” She spat the last word.  </p><p>Jonno puffed his chest up to try and mask his fear. “Anyway, ‘e’s a poofter. Didn’t know that, did ya? Must’ve come from you. A disgusting, mutt loving fag from a dirty mutt loving little slapper.”</p><p>Ainsley flew forward. “Don’t you EVER call Callum that.” Lowering her voice, she said “This is the point in the game where you lose, Jonny boy. You don’t <em>get </em>to be near him now. I’ve finally come for what’s mine and we don’t need you. I’ve heard the stories about your bullying and homophobia. But then, I already knew what a toxic monster you are.” Her voice hardened. “Now you just turn your manky tail around and get the fuck out of here. And you don’t ever come back. If you do, I’ll tell him. I mean it; I’ll tell him everything. And I’ll tell the police too. I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen.” The fear returned to his eyes.</p><p>She stood right in front of him now.  </p><p>“I’ll tell them all. I’ll tell them all that Jonno Highway is a rapist.” She poked a finger into his collarbone.  </p><p>“That Jonno Highway is a paedophile.” She poked him again.</p><p>She leant in and was nose to nose with him.</p><p>“Now… BOO!!”</p><p>Jonno jumped again and then looked round, but the street was rush hour busy so he realised he’d have to lose this particular battle. He straightened his cheap tee-shirt where Ainsley had poked him, turned and walked back into the station.</p><p>---</p><p>Mick reeled where he stood. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. How the fuck could this woman be Callum’s mother? He knew Callum’s mother. He grew up with that family! But he’d heard it – from Jonno’s own mouth. His mind was racing.</p><p>As he looked up, he saw Ainsley stagger backwards. She looked like she was about to collapse but she steadied herself and then made off in the opposite direction to him. All thoughts of Al-Anon and Linda had gone from his head. He stepped out and followed her.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Fall At Your Feet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mick rounded the corner just in time to see Ainsley doubled over, a hand on the wall to steady herself while she vomited. He called her name and ran over. “You alright, girl?”</p><p>She stood up, a tissue at her mouth and looking like shit. Where had Mick come from?!</p><p>“I’m fine, I’m fine” she said. “Just a bit too much to drink – I’m not much of a day drinker” she was panting as she lied. She gave a weak smile.   “Just another drunk Jock in London, eh? I feel better now I’ve been sick. I’ll just get my breath back and head home.”</p><p>“I’ll walk ya.”</p><p>“No, please. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Look, you ain’t been drinking. I heard ya.   I heard you and Jonno. I know the Highways; I know you and you know me. I dunno what just went down over there, but you can barely stand so, Let. Me. Walk. You. Home."</p><p>Ainsley looked up at Mick. She was weeping. And then she just fell. She crumpled at his feet and her weeping turned to sobs.</p><p>Mick kneeled beside her and gave her a hug. “Come on Ainsley Paterson, whoever you are... let’s get you home.”</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Who Are Ya (2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were sitting on the sofa at No. 43. There was an open bottle of red wine on the coffee table and two glasses poured.</p><p>“What’s goin’ on?” Mick’s voice was soft. Ainsley sighed and reached for her glass. Mick put his hand out and stopped her, keeping a gentle hold of her arm. “Who are ya, Ainsley? Who are you? Really?”</p><p>“Is that not always the first question in an English pub quiz?” she said. Mick gave her a look of contempt, and Ainsley’s face changed to show it had had the desired effect. The look he gave hurt her, but she knew she deserved it.</p><p>“Alison” she whispered. “You’d remember me as Alison Murray”. Mick racked his brains. “Alison... Alison... Ally! That’s it! Ally Murray. Mints!” He exclaimed and then sang the jingle from the advert. “You were “too good to hurry Mints!”” and he smiled. Ainsley/Ally smiled too. “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that”. Her voice was shaky.</p><p>“I do remember ya! You were the year above me and Stuart at school. You lived on the same landing as Stuart. You vanished! You ran away – just before...” He stopped abruptly.</p><p>“Just before what?”  </p><p>“Oh, just before me and Stuart got into a bit of bovver. He.... I.... he, he ended up in young offenders.”</p><p>“You mean when he went to young offenders in place of you?”</p><p>It was Mick’s turn to look hurt. “Yeah”. His voice was a whisper now too, and his gaze was to the floor. “But, how would you know that?”</p><p>Ainsley took a gulp from her glass and turned her seating position to look at Mick more face to face. “What if I told you it wasn’t your fault that Stuart went there? What if I told you Stuart had no choice in that?”</p><p>Mick looked up, hurt and puzzlement in his eyes. “Wha...?”</p><p>“Jonno”. She spat the name out. “Neither of you had anything to do with that. It was Jonno that made that decision”</p><p>“I don’t understand”</p><p>“Drink your wine” Ainsley ordered. “You’re gonna need it.”</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Canning Town</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Us older girls used to have a song for you too” Ainsley said, nudging Mick gently. “Don’t” he replied. “Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow our minds, hey Mickey” she sang the Toni Basil song while doing small cheerleader pompom gestures. “Don’t” Mick protested again, but he was smiling. Ainsley smiled too and said “We only sang it cos you hated it. That and you were so fine!” They both chuckled. “Not that a 14 yr girl would ever <em>dream</em> of looking at a 13 yr old boy.”</p><p>There was a pause before Mick said “Ainsley…Ally… I don’t know what to call ya.”</p><p>“I’ve been Ainsley longer than I was ever Ally” she said. “Ally, she’s... She’s long gone.”</p><p>“Ainsley. Are you really Callum’s mother?” His voice was soft. “I mean, how is that even possible?!”</p><p>Ainsley nodded yes as her eyes brimmed with tears and they sat in silence for a moment. She sniffled, blew her nose and then took a deep breath. “I knew you were here.” she said. “His social media. I saw that you were here as well as him. And Stuart too, or so I thought. I thank God every night that I haven’t seen him yet. I don’t have a plan of what to do when I see him. Bluff for my life I guess.”</p><p>“Ainsley.”</p><p>“Mick, I’ll tell you, okay. I’ll tell you it all, but I need two things from you before I do.” Mick nodded. “You let me tell it. Don’t interrupt with any questions. Please. Let me tell you what happened and when I’m done.… then you can ask”. Mick nodded again and asked, “the second thing?”   Ainsley looked him straight in the eyes and said, “you cannot breathe a word of it to anyone.” Mick raised an eyebrow. Ainsley continued “I’m not kidding Mick. Not one word. I don’t want Callum to know. I’m not here to disrupt his life. I don’t want him hurt. He IS my son but I’m here just to be close to him. To see him. To be around and look out for him, even if it is from a distance. Do you understand Mick? This is not about turning his life upside down. It’s about me being near my son.” Mick nodded one more time and topped up the wine glasses.</p><p>“You remember that estate” Ainsley began her story. “The beginnings of the 90s recession, not that the 80s boom had ever been anywhere near Canning Town. Everyone’s parents long term unemployed and out their nut with the drink and drugs. Mummy’s little helpers. Dad ‘s escape from “having to live with you wastes of space”” Mick grimaced. “Well, mum left – God knows where she ever ended up, and I was left stranded as the main punchbag.” Mick placed a hand on her arm and said, “I’m sorry”.</p><p>“It wasn’t like I was the only one that had it tough ‘round there. We all did. Manky school clothes and dreading the nit nurse.” Mick laughed through his nose.   “But my dad; he eventually got himself banged up. He told Social Services he’d sent me to my mum’s, but he’d actually told Jonno to keep an eye on me.  They were booze, pool and fighting buddies.  Nasty eggs on nasty I suppose."</p><p>" Well, you know Jonno. Loves trying to chase skirt, and well, he ended up spending more time at our flat that he did his own. I never thought I’d ever have wished for my dad to come home, but Jonno... he was a beast."</p><p>"One night, Stuart came looking for him. Sent by his mum he said, but we all knew that wasn’t true – she’d be glad Jonno was out. But Stuart, he just knew something wasn’t right with the amount of time Jonno spent at ours. Anyway, that night he walked in on us.” Ainsley paused and then croaked “I never felt so ashamed as I did in that moment.” Mick reached out to her again, but Ainsley put her hand up to stop him. She recovered a little and continued talking. “What a beating Jonno gave him that night. Not the regular bashing, he really went to town on him. I couldn’t look at Stuart again after that. Nor him me.” Suddenly she said, “That bottle’s finished.” The tension broke in the room as Ainsley made the abrupt statement.</p><p>She got up to retrieve another bottle from the rack in the kitchen. Mick followed her through “Can I have a cigarette at ya door?” he asked. Ainsley nodded as she opened the new bottle and grabbed two clean glasses from the cupboard. “Mick, I.... I’ve never told this story to anyone. Not even my husband. Well, not the full story anyway.” Mick crushed his cigarette out with his foot and re-entered the kitchen. “I’m here for it, Ainsley. I know these people. I mean I can’t… I can’t get me nut round it but, I’m here for it.”</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Margate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No one suggested it, but they both just stayed and sat in the kitchen. “By the time dad got out of prison, it was too late. I had no idea what was happening to my body. I was 14. I just thought I was getting fat.” “But how did...?” Mick started to ask a question, but Ainsley looked at him with pleading in her eyes and gestured with her hand, so he fell silent.</p><p>“I didn’t know what the full plan was at the time, but I was sent down to Margate to live with some long lost ‘aunt’. I still don’t really know who she was, but she was as big a monster as my dad and Jonno. They’d both come down often enough, to see ‘Aunty Irenie’ too, but I will never talk about <em>that” </em>and she shuddered “but I’d also overhear them talk. That’s how I know about you and Stuart.” Mick stopped looking staring at the floor and looked up. “If you didn’t already know by the way, Jonno didn’t think very highly of you.” Mick laughed and said, “I’d be concerned if someone like Jonno ever spoke highly of me.” “True enough” Ainsley replied. “I didn’t realise it was part of a grander plan at the time, but Jonno was hollering about how the perfect opportunity to get rid of Stuart had landed in his lap. I couldn’t hear everything, but the jist was you were looking at some time in young offenders and he was setting it up that Stuart would go instead. The next time he was down he was bragging how his stupid boy thinks it’s his own idea. “Finks he’s being noble” he said and then laughed that laugh. Just thinking about that laugh makes my skin crawl even now.”</p><p>Mick interrupted and his tone indicated he wouldn’t be shut down this time. “Why? Why would Jonno do that?! Why was ‘e getting rid?!”  </p><p>“Why do you <em>think</em>, Mick?!”   He thought for a moment.</p><p>“So, he could pass the little ‘un off by the time Stuart got out?!”   Mick was astounded.  </p><p>“Exactly. But I had no idea that was coming when I heard him talking. If I did, I would have ran. Even at 8 ½ months pregnant. “</p><p>“So, how’d they do it?”</p><p>“Easier than you’d think. I got picked up from the hospital after Callum was born and dumped back at aunty Irenie’s again. Callum was there when I fell asleep one night and gone when I woke up.”</p><p>Mick was stunned into silence.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“I went mental when I realised. Did a couple of rounds with Irenie and then I ran. I was running all the way back to London. I was just a kid but I knew I loved my baby. From the first moment I held him, I was just blown away. I couldn’t believe I’d made this perfect little thing with perfect little ears and the bluest eyes.” She smiled at the memory and stood up, walking over to a drawer and taking out a crushed and tattered polaroid picture.   She handed it to Mick. He gazed on a much younger Ainsley/Ally, who had the round, puppy fat face of a young girl. She was smiling and held baby Callum. He was wrapped up in swaddling and sound asleep. She was holding him up, so their faces were side by side. “The nurses took it and let me have it.” “What happened after that?” Mick was back at the door with another cigarette. Ainsley walked over and indicated she would like one too.</p><p>“Dad and Jonno both found me. They didn’t leave til dad beat seven bells out me though. Jonno showed me the birth certificate. Shoved it right in my face. Callum Highway. Father; John, Mother; well, it wasn’t my name. And then dad told me I was a tramp and if I ever came back to London, to Canning....He promised that he’d kill me”. As they both stood at the door, Mick reached out a hand and stroked Ainsley’s hair at the side of her face. "What did you do?!”</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Keep on Running</h2></a>
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    <p>Ainsley took a puff of the cigarette and continued. “Seeing the birth certificate; I just screamed. I screamed they couldn’t do that, and I screamed that they couldn’t keep him from me. I sobbed and begged. Jonno just laughed at me. I swore to him he couldn’t keep him from me forever. But the truth is it broke me. I’d was barely 15 and had just given birth. My head and body were fucked up. The fight left me and any light in my life was gone. I bottomed out and stayed with Irenie, til I felt better. She was an old cow, but if I behaved, she fed me and let me watch TV. As soon as I felt fit enough, I ran again. This time though, I waited til she’d passed out with the vodka. I couldn’t risk going to London though as much as I was aching to be there. I knew my dad would keep his promise, so I ran and ran and just kept on running. North. He wouldn’t think I’d head that way. A couple of days later I realised I was over the border. I got myself to Glasgow and slept rough. Had a few scrapes and near misses, but then I got in with a couple girls like me; we looked out for each other and they helped me get rid of my accent.” Mick laughed “Get <em>rid</em>?” Ainsley smiled and explained, “It helped me blend in. I wasn’t the “English girl” if anyone was asking.”</p><p>“We’d get picked up and put in foster care, but it never lasted. We all just kept running away, and then we’d get picked up again, some other foster home and the cycle just kept on spinning.”</p><p>“But you’re a long way from that now” Mick said. “How d’ya get from there to ‘ere? Did you find a nice family to take care of ya?”</p><p>They sat back down in the kitchen, and Ainsley continued her story. “There was a film on one night I was in one of the foster homes. Remember Private Benjamin? The bit where they’re smoking a joint at camp and she tells the story of why she joined up?” Mick nodded. “Well, a few weeks after I saw it, we’d all run away again and were sleeping rough. It was winter by then and just so fucking cold.   We’d got some weed and I tried to pretend we were camping, like the women in the film. But I was so cold and so low; I knew I couldn’t go on like that. I made a pact with myself. I figured I’ll be just like Goldie Hawn – join the army. How bad could it be? Three square meals and a warm bed? And if it was too bad, then my back up plan was to run away from there too, and just keep on running until I ran off the high point of a bridge.”</p><p>Mick looked up and his eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “I can’t believe that happened” he said. “Jonno. Fucking Jonno. But I heard him wiv me own ears. It’s a total head fuck.”</p><p>“Mick?” Ainsley’s voice was soft but snapped him from his thoughts. “You said you knew him?”</p><p>“Jonno?! Well, I thought I did!”</p><p>“No Mick, Callum.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know the kid. Little diamond ‘e is an all.”</p><p>“I spent time with him once before, when I had a drink with Tina in the Albert. I fell in love with him all over again.” Her eyes were sparkling as she spoke. “He’s so sweet and kind. I can’t believe he turned out so well. And so handsome! My boy is just gorgeous!” They both smiled. “Mick?” she said again. “Will you tell me about him? Please?”</p><p>“Well....” Mick rubbed his shoulder where Callum had shot him that time. “Yeah. Yeah gel. I can tell you about him.”</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Kinship</h2></a>
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    <p>Ainsley sat enraptured as Mick told her stories about Callum. He kept it as light-hearted as he could – it was an emotional enough night for her without telling her about his kidnap and the PTSD. He did fill her in on how Stuart had protected his little brother, and how his grandad tried to look out for him too. She’d find out the other stories when the time was right for her to hear them.</p><p>Once he’d told the tales, he began to feel a little overwhelmed. The similarity of this situation to his own story was dawning on him.</p><p>His face changed as he decided to share a bit of his own experience. Listening to Ainsley tell her story gave him a different perspective of his own and Shirley’s journey. Maybe his story could give Ainsley a different perspective on her decision never to tell Callum who she was.</p><p>Mick said, “I know what it’s like – to find out your mother ain’t who you thought she was.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Ainsley asked. Her mind snapped back to her first night in the pub. “Oh! Shirley?! You….you…you called her mother! I thought it was sarcasm – she was always overbearing and interfering!”</p><p>“No. Turns out she got pregnant at fourteen” He raised an eyebrow. The parallel was not lost on Ainsley.</p><p>He continued, unabridged. She had laid bare her ghosts tonight, and it gave him the courage to do the same. He told his tale and Ainsley sat and let him talk. It was difficult for her to hear about his feelings when he first found out, and then she shifted in her seat as he told her how he came to terms with it. That part of his story made her visibly upset. Mick tried to sooth her by saying, “Look, I’m not asking you to consider this tonight, but if I can plant a seed – have a think about maybe telling Callum who you are. There’s every chance it could have a happy ending.”</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Comfort and Joy</h2></a>
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    <p>The second bottle of wine was finished and with just their eyes they agreed to a third. They were both emotionally drained, but they didn’t know now how to stop.</p><p>Ainsley stood up and walked to the wine rack. It was well stocked, but the bottom row was now empty, so the other bottles were just out of her reach. She made to get her folding step from the cupboard but as she turned, Mick was right there. “I can reach” he said, as he leaned over her and retrieved a bottle. He placed it on the counter, but neither of them moved.</p><p>There was barely a space between them, and they fell into an embrace. They clung to each other as if they were lifelines. The night had been a painful bearing of the soul for them both and they were exhausted.</p><p>Now entwined, Mick couldn’t let go. Since L had been taken over by the demon again, the connection with his wife had been stolen from him once more.  The events of this evening had blindsided him, but also gave him clarity. He didn’t realise how much he needed this physical intimacy right now, and he lost himself in Ainsley’s hold. He was overcome to be held by someone who understood the deepest pains of his heart. And while it was a thing he could never admit to himself, Mick needed to be needed. Linda and Shirley both knew it – his weakness had always been a damsel in distress. He felt soothed and it came from being made to feel like was helping. By holding her like this, he was making it better. It aroused him to feel the worth he recently believed he lacked. He felt his body respond when his cock stiffened.</p><p>Now entwined, Ainsley couldn’t let go. She didn’t think she’d ever shared a moment of intimacy that felt like this with anyone – not even James – and the comfort from being held was too great to allow her to withdraw. Feeling enveloped by Mick made her feel safer than perhaps she ever had. His touch was acknowledgement not only of their experiences, but of being able to say the most terrible things out loud to someone who not only wouldn’t judge, but who could actually empathise.</p><p>Her head was level with his chest, and she could hear his heartbeat. She became aware of the quickening of his breath, and his warm exhales on her neck reminded her it had been a very long time since she’d been this physically close to a man. She felt solace from the proximity and warmth of his body her but feeling his breathing and hearing his heart pound she was also suddenly conscious of a stirring in his groin. She felt her own body respond, and her knickers dampened.</p><p>They pulled back slightly to face each other, but their arms still clasped each other. Ainsley eyes shed big droplets of tears as she blinked and looked up at Mick. The water in his own eyes spilled over with drops just as big and Ainsley pulled her hand round and lifted it to his face, thumbing away one of his tears. His heart was still pounding. He lowered his head and kissed one of Ainsley’s tears from her cheek. He licked his lips at the saltiness. Ainsley’s heart was now pounding too.</p><p>They both swallowed as they approached the point of no return. Mick then moved his face slightly and lowered his lips to meet Ainsley’s. At the point of make or break – there would be no break.</p><p>His kiss was soft and slow.  If either of them had had a more intimate and tender kiss than this, neither of them could recall the moment.</p><p>They broke apart to breathe but then couldn’t break eye contact. Mick then bent down and kissed Ainsley again, but this time with a bit more fire. Ainsley could feel him harden more against her. She parted her lips and his tongue slipped into her mouth. Her knickers were now fully wet.</p><p>Mick knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself. This wasn’t like Whitney; that was his ego being massaged by the adoration of a younger damsel who was always in distress, and, well, who wouldn’t at least think about it. He was a man, after all. But this… this was a bond he’d never felt before and where Whit had been a want, this was a need and it wouldn’t be denied. He broke off the kiss, slid his hand down Ainsley’s arm and took her hand. He led her out of the kitchen and they both then climbed the stairs.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Sweet Solace</h2></a>
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    <p>Once in the bedroom, the kissing, while still slow, became deeper. They slowly undressed each other and let their hands wander. Mick gently walked Ainsley backwards and they both lay down on the bed.  He began to explore her body more intimately. She was slowly massaging his cock as his hand slipped between her legs and she gasped as his cool fingers probed her slit. He was excited to feel she was shaven, and she was so wet! He moved his fingers to her clit and stopped breathing as he realised she was pierced. His cock reacted to the find and he was surprised to discover just how hard his cock could get. He then brought his fingers to his mouth to taste her. She was sweet and delicious, and he wanted to taste more.   He slid his hand to one of her ample breasts and gently rubbed her nipple as he nibbled her ear. She giggled and her body squirmed at the tickle and he was gratified at her response. He kissed her neck and moved slowly down her body, kissing and nibbling. His hand was back down at her slit and as he worked his fingers over and around her intimate jewellery, he flicked his tongue over her nipple before holding it between his teeth and playfully biting down. Ainsley’s body responded instantly, and her gasps and moans turned him on. His mouth continued downwards until it was at the mound of her and he tongued at her clit and piercing. It was like a juicy peach and her wetness covered his mouth and chin. Ainsley moaned, and then breathlessly whispered for him to lie where she could work his cock, “Let me touch you.” He lay back at an angle counter to her and she took a hold of him; her hand circling him gently and she began to pump. He pulled her body up and manoeuvred her smooth pussy back to his mouth. He pushed his tongue inside her while his thumb circled her clit. Her body’s reaction told him it wouldn’t take much more to make her cum. He removed his tongue from inside her and placed his lips at her clit once more; this time sucking it gently. As he did, he slid a digit inside her, and then another. It was warm, wet and soft and he looked forward to slipping his cock in where his fingers were. He worked his mouth on her harder and felt her juices drip onto his hand as his tongue succeeded and her body bucked in climax. Her body continued to jerk, and her thighs clamped at his head as he made her cum for a while. As her body’s movements slowed, he placed her gently back on the bed and shifted his position to lie beside her.</p><p>Ainsley was panting but still pulled him in for passionate kisses. She could taste herself from him and licked and sucked at his beard.   He couldn’t wait any longer and so pushed himself up over her, slipping his cock inside her. He let out a moan as he felt her contract and pull him deeper, and he slowly worked a rhythm. He was sweating now, and she lifted her head and licked at the salty film on his body. As she held onto him, she moved him on to his side and then to his back so she could mount him. She rode him slowly at first, pushing him in deep, and then let him control her speed with his hands on her hips. As he increased her speed, she took back the control and slowed down. She sat with him inside her for a moment before rising slowly and he slipped out. She moved herself further down and took him in her hand once more. He was sticky with her juices, but she drooled over the top of his shaft to make it wetter and then licked his slit clean of its pre-cum. She sucked him into her mouth, and he groaned. As her mouth worked him up and down, she used her thumb to massage his perineum. She felt his body respond to the gentle pressure on the sweet spot and it made her feel good to do this to him.   He was laid back in ecstasy.</p><p>He then placed his hands on her head and stopped her. As quick as a flash, he had her on her back and was inside her once more. He had her pinned down with her hands above her head and lowered his lips to hers to kiss. The kisses were now hard and full of passion. He was thrusting the full length of his cock inside her and increasing his pace. She felt his body change and softly bit at his lip, in-between the kisses before she gently sucked his tongue as he exploded inside her. He came so hard he thought his head would burst. Sweat from his brow dripped on her.   He too was now panting, and his arms began to tremble holding himself up, so he released her from his grip and lay beside her as he tried to regulate his breathing.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Anyone for Tennis?</h2></a>
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    <p>Mick and Ainsley lay peacefully in each other’s arms, luxuriating in post-coital glow. There was still a last peep of mid-May dusk poking through a crack in the curtains, and dust danced above them in the light.</p><p>Mick was drawing circles on her hand with his finger while telling her more about Callum, specifically anecdotes about his relationship with Shirley. Ainsley laughed and said “Sounds like I may need to keep an eye on her. Keep her in line.” Mick just said, “Good luck with that!” Ainsley responded by telling Mick that the army had taught her six ways to kill a man with her bare hands. Mick just said, “To kill a man, not kill a Shirley!”</p><p>It was companionably silent for a moment and then Ainsley asked Mick, “Do you know the only positive?”</p><p>“What’s that then?”  </p><p>“His name. I actually like it, it is a decent, normal name, but it hadn’t been on my list. I had been thinking about Andrew. Prince Andrew and I share a birthday.”</p><p>“Andrew?” That’s a solid enough name. Andrew Highway. It works I s’pose.”</p><p>“No, Mick. He wouldn’t have been Highway. He would have been Murray.”</p><p>Mick thought for a moment and then laughed.   “Andy Murray?! Aw, poor boy would have a right time of it!”</p><p>They were both smiling at the idea, as they drifted off to sleep</p><p>---</p><p>A couple of hours later Ainsley awoke. She didn’t feel like smiling anymore. The wine was wearing off and hangover beginning. The memory of facing Jonno the previous evening intruded into her thoughts and she began to silently weep again. She and Mick were still lying together in the position they had fallen asleep and she held on to him tightly. Her tears dripped onto Mick’s body and the tickle roused him. “Are you okay?” he whispered. Ainsley sniffed and confirmed she was. “Post wine blues, I think.”   Mick put his hand under her chin and pulled her up to look at him. “It’ll be okay, baby. It’ll be okay.”</p><p>Ainsley moved up and kissed him, softly like their first kiss in the kitchen. “Thanks.” She said. Mick held her head and kissed her back. The flame ignited once more and before they knew what happened, they were making love again. Not the long heat of before, but sleepy, lazy sex. It wasn’t long before they were both spent again and once more fell asleep in each other’s arms.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Up With The Lark</h2></a>
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    <p>Ainsley was the first to wake in the morning, as the sunrise bled through the curtains. Her head was woolly, but she knew they couldn’t stay in bed. She kissed Mick’s torso where her head lay – a last memento of a crazy fucking night. As Mick had walked her home, she knew she would have to tell him her story. If she was honest, she’d been glad of the opportunity, and that it had been Mick. He <em>had</em> been a little heartbreaker, even at school but it wasn’t his personality to be a player. He had been no angel, but there had always been something decent about him. Talking it out certainly made her feel like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.</p><p>What she hadn’t anticipated was it ending in sex. And even when he’d kissed her, she had no idea how mind-blowing the sex would be. She had no idea sex <em>could</em> be that mind-blowing. It was the hardest cum she’d ever experienced and wondered if Mick had fucked every woman he’d been with like that. She sighed as she thought how lucky Linda was, having that on tap at home.</p><p>She kissed his torso once more and then got up. If she lay beside him and thought about the previous night any more, she’d just be torturing herself.</p><p>She went to the kitchen and made a pot of proper coffee having a quick cup before going back upstairs and stepping in the shower. As she washed, she heard Mick knock the bathroom door and beg to be let in – he couldn’t keep this ‘jimmy’ in a minute longer. “Please!”  Ainsley laughed and said he could come in, but to keep his eyes closed. She heard the door open and then heard him pee. As he did Mick said to her, “Why did you tell me to keep my eyes closed, I can’t see you behind that sheet!” Ainsley laughed and popped a leg out from behind the shower curtain and said, “Can you see me now?!” Mick confirmed he could so she raised her voice, “You wouldn’t if you’d done what I said and kept your eyes closed!”</p><p>He knew his mind well enough to know there would be consequences for what he had done, and what he was about to do, but right now he couldn’t care less. He needed to be inside her again. Last night had been unbelievable and knowing she was naked, wet and soapy behind the curtain was too much.</p><p>He stepped towards the bath and pulled the curtain aside. Ainsley pretended to scream in horror. “If you lather me up well enough, I might get some soap in my eyes and not be able to see you then” he said as he indicated he would very much like to step in beside her. She looked at his dick standing to full attention and beamed a smile as she gestured that he was most welcome to join her. “What the fuck am I doing?” she thought as Mick stepped in. But there was no way she could turn him down.</p><p>They lathered each other with shower gel and kissed passionately as their hands roamed each other once more. Ainsley dropped to her knees and sucked his cock again as the water rained down on his back. As she rose, Mick lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. He slipped inside her again, but her gasp soon turned to a shriek as he leaned her back on the wall. “Aaarrgh! The tiles are freezing!” Mick just laughed and said, “I need some leverage!”  </p><p>Ainsley slid down, turning her back against him and he wasted no time pushing his cock inside her again. He kissed the back of her neck and circled her waist, letting his other hand find her clit. He couldn’t believe how slippery she was again. He couldn’t believe this was the third time they had sex in the last 12 hours. That was more than he’d had in the last 12 months. He just couldn’t get enough of her.</p><p>She moaned as he fucked and touched her and soon their pace was frantic. Ainsley came first, and when Mick felt her climax, he let himself shoot what load he had left. As he came, he felt lightheaded. Ainsley reached over and switched the water to cold. She felt spent with the heat and the even more sex. The temperature invigorated them and they both jumped out the shower as fast as they could.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Never Too Early</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The coffee had been freezing by the time they came down the stairs, and while some fresh coffee was brewing, they sat where they had the night before, trading sheepish grins at each other.</p><p>Ainsley broke the silence. “Mick, I don’t know what happened last night and this morning, but to tell the truth, it was the best sex I’ve ever had.”  He gave a smile that lit up the room. “Takes two to tango.” he replied, but he was proud of his performance(s). “As incredible as it was” he continued “and it was incredible, I don’t… we can’t…” and he trailed off as a shadow fell over his face.</p><p>Ainsley spoke up. “I know. I know. Look, I see as, it’s, it’s like, grief sex.” Mick looked puzzled. “Grief sex – the sex you have when you’re emotionally vulnerable. We both were last night. There was a lot of raw emotion flying around. Intense stuff. I’m sorry you got pulled into it, but if I’m honest, if you hadn’t found me, I’d have came home, drank those two bottles of wine to myself and cried all night. I would also be feeling like death this morning. Instead, I feel really good, and thank you for that. Don’t worry. I think we both know it has to be isolated. I can’t have any complications in my life, and I don’t think you do either.”</p><p>It was Mick’s turn to speak. “I have never cheated like this on Linda. Never. Not physically. I know once the I’m home and reality kicks in, I’m gonna feel like a right shit.”</p><p>Ainsley responded with a smile saying, “Don’t let a few hours of amazing sex ruin your life.”  We’re not having an affair and there won’t be any do-overs. Apart from anything else, do you think we could maintain that intensity?” She managed to make him smile again.  “It would be nice to try, but therein lies disaster, sadly. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. Forget about it until you’re in a place where the memory can make you smile.” He <em>was</em> smiling as he said, “It <em>was</em> one of my better performances.”</p><p>“Mick. I made a friend last night and I need friends here. I think I’d be lucky to be friends with you. I’ll stay out the pub for a bit, but when I come back in, do you think we could be friends? Try not to be awkward?” Mick looked up and nodded.  </p><p>“You comforted me last night by telling me it will be okay. Can I do the same for you? Because, it will be okay. I’m sure of it, Mick. It will be okay.”</p><p>He finished his coffee and grabbed his jacket. Ainsley pointed him to leave by the back door “It’s a bit more discreet.”   She stood at the door as he left, but then he came back and gently kissed her, one last time. He then smiled again and said softly “Friends.”</p><p>He left through the gate and walked down the lane that led behind the café and he then turned left onto Turpin Road. He didn’t realise he was whistling as he walked.</p><p>If he had looked right on Turpin Road, he would have seen Ben Mitchell at the door of the undertakers, warming up for an early morning run and wondering why Mick Carter was walking out the back lane at 6.30am with wet hair and whistling a happy tune.</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Consolidate the Highway</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was mid-August and it there had been a heatwave for weeks.  The mood in the Square had been good – the Vitamin D supplement every day had worked magic on everyone’s mood. </p><p><br/>
Ben and Callum had been dating just over or just under 2 years, depending on what date they picked. They had first got together that fateful night in June but weren’t official really until when Callum had come out to his dad.  That had been late September, but then they broke up that Christmas, got back together again in the New Year… However long it had been, Ben knew the time was right.  He and Callum had been through so much, nothing would break them. </p><p><br/>
Ben had been walking about with the ring in his pocket for weeks now.  He’d chosen carefully – Callum deserved the best.  It was an understated thin band of black diamonds with one, slightly larger white diamond.  It was a centrepiece that would later lock into a titanium wedding band.  For Ben the black diamonds represented the darkness in his life, all of which Callum helped him understand had made him the man he was today.  Callum had also helped him accept that the man he was, was worthy of the love he had, not just from Callum, but from Lola, Jay and most importantly Lexi.  Finally, Callum had also shown Ben that he was worthy of the love he didn’t have – specifically from Phil.   Ben felt he had finally beaten his demons.  Well, maybe not beaten, but Callum got him to a place where he could at least manage the demons.  For the light that Callum brought to him; that was the white diamond.  And even though it was only slightly larger – it stood out in the band of darkness. Just like Callum was a beacon in his life.  </p><p><br/>
They had been lucky to have the flat above the undertakers to themselves for months.  Stuart and Rainie had taken little Abi down to Exeter after Cora had died.  Tanya really needed the support.   The peace that the two men enjoyed had really cemented their love.   They lived in sync and Ben loved it.  There was no pressure when he got home.   And that’s what it was.  A proper home.  A place of sanctuary.  They had decorated bits around the place and Lexi now had her own princess bedroom at her dad’s so she could stay over whenever she liked.  </p><p><br/>
Callum was helping out in the funeral parlour while Stuart was away and so was working a bit later tonight and Ben was glad – it gave him extra time to prep a proper romantic dinner, with no pasta or chicken in sight.  Kathy had helped him prepare and there were rose petals sprinkled on the floor and a perfectly laid table with a linen tablecloth and napkins nicked from Ian’s stock.   Ben surveyed the room and thought – shit.  Is this too much?!  Is this really how “Ben” would propose?!    </p><p><br/>
The vibration of his phone snapped him from his thoughts.  Ben had told Callum to text him about 15 minutes before he got home.  This would let him time the goose fat smothered roast potatoes to perfection with the sirloins he had sitting out to get to room temperature before cooking.   Ben slipped into his thoughts again after he read the text and the potatoes were in the oven.  This is exactly how “Ben” would propose.  Because the proposal wasn’t about Ben.  It was about Callum.  His boyfriend who was strong, handsome and sooo sooo sexy!  He was so kind and soft and good. He deserved the romantic overkill.  </p><p><br/>
Callum came home and saw the rose petals lead up the stairs.  He instantly became concerned.  </p><p><br/>
“What’s this all about?” he said as he got to the top.   </p><p><br/>
“Can’t I treat my boyfriend?” Ben replied. Callum looked at his lover.  Was Ben blushing?!  </p><p><br/>
“Eh, no, no, of course you can!  But, well…. Ben,” he paused.  “You never cook!”  </p><p><br/>
“Everyone gotta start somewhere.” Ben replied as he took Callum’s jacket and kissed him.  </p><p><br/>
He hung the jacket up and then poured himself and Callum some red wine.   Callum accepted the glass with a puzzled smile, but Ben was choosing to ignore the puzzlement.   </p><p><br/>
“I just gotta get these steaks cooked, so you’ve got 10 mins tops to get ready.” </p><p><br/>
Callum was even more confused.  “Get ready for what?”</p><p><br/>
“Dinner.  I ain’t serving some juicy bit of sirloin to someone whose clothes stink of the dead.”</p><p><br/>
Callum just rolled his eyes and took a sip of his wine before heading into the bedroom to change.  He popped his head out the bedroom a couple of times to see what Ben was up to.   He was oblivious, taking baking trays out the oven and warming the plates.  Callum laughed to himself and shook his head. </p><p><br/>
He stepped out when was changed, and the steaks had been cooked and were resting on the counter while Ben plated up the sides.  Callum sat at the table, still bewildered at the scenario he’d come home to, but he’d just go with the flow.  Hopefully Ben wasn’t buttering him up to tell him he’d got involved in something dodgy – he’d done so well going straight (an unfortunate turn of phrase) – and it would be a shame.  But even if it was a ploy, they’d been through so much together, whatever it was, they would fix it. </p><p><br/>
Ben nervously served the meal and sat watching Callum’s face for a reaction.  He was chuffed when Callum’s face lit up at the first bite.  “Wow!   This is really good!” he said as he chewed.  “How come I didn’t know already that you could cook steak like this?!”  </p><p><br/>
Ben grinned and said “Always need to keep something up my sleeve to surprise you.  Don’t want you getting bored of me.”</p><p><br/>
Callum laughed and said, “As if!” </p><p><br/>
They chatted as they ate, but Ben was getting more and more nervous.  Callum wasn’t sure what to make of it.  Ben was laughing too hard and his hand trembled when he topped up the wine.  <br/>

When they finished eating, Callum placed his napkin on the table and said “Ben.”  His tone wasn’t too serious, but neither was it light-hearted.</p><p> <br/>
“What?” replied Ben.</p><p><br/>
“Don’t ‘what’ me.  Spit it out.”</p><p><br/>
“Spit what out?”</p><p><br/>
“Ben!” </p><p><br/>
“Okay, okay.” and Ben’s heart started to pound.</p><p> <br/>
Callum kept his face as noncommittal as he could, while preparing himself for the worst.    </p><p>                              <br/>
“I do have something to ask you.”</p><p><br/>
“Ben, you know whatever it is, I’m there.  We can get through anything.  It’ll be okay.”  He moved to put his hand on Ben’s, but….</p><p><br/>
Ben was standing up and fumbling in his pocket for the precious box.  </p><p><br/>
He stepped towards Callum before getting down on one knee.  </p><p><br/>
“Ben?!”  </p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Pop!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Callum Highway.  You know how I feel about you.  Since the day I met you my life has… just, been,  better.  Even before we got together, my life was better just having you in it.”  Ben’s eyes filled with un-spilt tears.  “You are kind, and pure and you make me, have made me, a better man.”   </p><p><br/>A single tear rolled down Callum’s cheek.</p><p><br/>“You've never given up on me.  I love you and can't imagine my life without you by my side.  Will you do me the honour?  Will you marry me?”  He had silly lopsided grin on his face as he spoke.  It was the same embarrassed smile he had that time he had gone to apologise to Callum after <em>that</em> party. </p><p><br/>Callum was speechless.  He had not been expecting this.  He always thought if anyone would ever propose it would be him and he hadn’t been planning anything anytime soon. </p><p>“Well?”  Ben’s face was now almost tortured waiting on Callum’s answer.  </p><p><br/>“Of course.”  Callum whispered and then paused.  “Of COURSE I’ll marry you! Yes!  My answer is “YES!  I can’t believe you planned all this!  How long have you been planning all this?!”  He gave a megawatt smile.</p><p><br/>“Never mind all that, let me put this ring on and get off my knee.”  Ben was ecstatic and relieved all at once. </p><p><br/>Callum put his hand out and Ben slipped on the ring as he stood up and then they kissed passionately.   </p><p><br/>The passion soon turned to fire and they kissed each other all the way to the bedroom to enjoy each other as dessert. </p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. L&M</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once in the bedroom, Ben fell to his knees once more undoing the zip to release Callum’s solid erection and put it in his mouth.  Callum placed his hands at the sides of Ben’s head to regulate the rhythm.  Ben slowed and Callum felt his cock hit the back of Ben’s throat.  God!  It felt good!  Ben breathed through his nose and then swallowed to open his throat so Callum could push deeper, which he did. Ben’s mouth reacted and flooded Callum’s cock in warm saliva.  Callum’s head went back in pleasure.  </p><p>He stopped Ben and pulled him up to standing to kiss him.  He had Ben’s head in his grip and the kisses were <span>hungry and </span>rough. He was pushing his tongue into Ben’s mouth with the same lust that he’d thrust his cock moments earlier.  Ben’s hand was massaging his dick now, and Callum released Ben’s raging hard cock from his clothing and did the same.  </p><p>They lay on bed kissing passionately while they slipped a lubed finger then two inside each other.  The pace was hotting up and Ben stopped to tell Callum that he needed him inside him,  NOW.   Callum grabbed more lube as Ben laid on his back, spread his legs and lifted his knees up.   Callum entered him and they both let out a throaty groan.  “Fuck me harder, husband” Ben ordered, and Callum obeyed, thrusting hard.   Before long, they both came in unison, in a sweaty, spunky mess.  </p><p>They lay in bed cuddling afterwards, Ben’s head on Callum’s chest.  Callum held his hand up to admire the sparkling ring and told Ben that he still couldn’t believe it and “Wow!  We’re actually going to get married!  It honestly makes me so happy.  I love you so much.  Thank you, Ben.”   Ben laughed and said, “It should be me thanking you for agreeing and not leaving me on one knee looking like a plonker!”  “Never!” said Callum and he pulled Ben up to kiss him.  “I always said we’d make a Mitchell of you one day.” Ben said in between the kisses.  “Eh, so I’ve to give up my name have I?” Callum was laughing.  “I think I might go double-barrelled he mused.   “Highway-Mitchell.”  Ben immediately said “you mean Mitchell-Highway” and before Callum could respond, Ben kissed him again.  It was soft, long kiss that ended up being much longer than Ben had originally intended. They stopped to catch their breath and Ben gazed into Callum’s eyes. Those baby blue eyes broke his heart and made it burst with love simultaneously.  Ben couldn’t believe how lucky he was.  This sweet, kind man had taken a messed-up car crash of a boy really, and look at them both now!  He really had seen the good in Ben and shone a light on it, not so others could see it, although they did, but so that Ben could see.  His feelings for the man holding him took his breath away. The words “I love you” tumbled from Ben’s lips, almost unconsciously. Callum pulled him in immediately for another kiss and the love expressed ignited the flame once more.  They lay side by side and made love silently clinging to each other. The intensity was almost tangible. Once they climaxed, Ben softly kissed Callum once more before they both drifted to peaceful and happy sleep in each other arms.   </p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Celebrations...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Square had reacted delightedly at the news of Callum and Ben’s engagement. They all knew it was only a matter of time but also wondered if they would ever get around to it, and who would be the one to ask. They’d faced a lot of obstacles and hadn’t their troubles to seek either in their time together, but it was obvious, even to those who didn’t know them; they were meant for each other.</p><p> </p><p>They had given in to pressure for an engagement party and decided to have it at the Albert, and Kathy had set up a barbecue outside for the occasion.</p><p> </p><p>Kathy had been overjoyed when Ben and Callum had told her their news. She had watched Ben blossom with Callum, and it made her heart glad that Ben was in such a good place that he wanted to take this step and could do so without torturing himself. Or others…</p><p> </p><p>Callum and Ben had gone back to the original jewellers, as they had decided to have matching rings. “You don’t mind, do ya?” Ben had asked. Sweet Callum of course had told him that no, of course he didn’t mind. “I think it’s extra special that we match.” he had said, and Ben had been delighted. He hadn’t yet told Callum the reasoning behind his choice of design. To his credit, Callum hadn’t asked. There was still only so much Ben could share at one time, and they had an almost psychic understanding that when Ben was ready, he’d explain.</p><p> </p><p>So, the two boys were there, bashfully showing off their rings while everyone tucked into hot wings, burgers and chicken kebabs. Glasses were charged and then someone chinked a glass with a fork and demands for a speech came from their guests. The two boys were blushing as they looked at each other, both awkwardly offering for the other to go first. Ben stepped forward and Callum stood beside him, placing his hand on the small of Ben’s back to give him reassurance.</p><p> </p><p>Just before Ben could say anything though, they and the crowd heard a bloodcurdling scream.</p>
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<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Heeeeeere's Jonno!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger warning:   violence/sexual violence</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At the same time the guests were arriving at the Albert for Ben and Callum’s engagement party, Ainsley stepped out of the tube station.   She had been so happy to learn of the engagement  - Callum had looked just so happy and she knew Ben had asked him because he loved him; there was no money or advantage to be gained.  He might be a bit of a bad boy, but his love for Callum was pure and true and this was good enough for her. </p><p><br/>Callum had invited her to the engagement drinks, and she was excited to go, even though it would be straight from work and she was tired.   She’d been feeling tired a lot recently, but London in a heatwave could sap energy out of you like a sponge.  Especially on the steamy tube.  </p><p><br/>She had just got to the end of the street to turn onto Turpin Road, when she felt a tap on her shoulder.  She felt sick as she turned and registered who it was. </p><p><br/>Jonno snarled at her, “I guess it’s your turn to see ghosts now.” She felt drops of spit on her face from his grimy laugh.  </p><p><br/>“Wha…”  Ainsley didn’t get a chance to finish her enquiry before her world went dark.  </p><p><br/>---</p><p><br/>Jonno had been determined to get rid of fucking Ally.   Stupid slag made a big mistake thinking she could move in on his son.  His boy.  Even if he was a dirty poof.  So, over a pint with Big Del in the snooker club, they discussed how to deal with the bitch.  </p><p><br/>After hanging about the tube station watching the tea-time rush, they didn’t have to wait long for Ainsley to step out.  They followed her to the end of the road when Jonno had made his presence known, and as Ainsley turned towards him, Big Del stood behind her and whacked her on the back of her head. </p><p><br/>They weren’t finished with her though. They picked her up and carried her around the corner, in front of the boarded up Argee Bhajee, where it was quiet.  They both pinned her unconscious body up against the derelict building and Jonno slapped her face to try and rouse her.  She came round and as Jonno came into focus, she tried to wrestle from the grip.  She must have lost her edge since leaving the army.  “You got fucking lazy.  And soft” she thought to herself as she realised she was stuck.   </p><p><br/>She spat in Jonno’s face and tried to demean him by saying “Guess you had to find a real man to do your dirty work for you, eh?” as she nodded to big Del.   Jonno responded by punching her in the stomach and she doubled over as the breath left her body.  </p><p><br/>“Okay, okay, Jonno.  Look, what is it you want?”   His reply was another punch.  Big Del loosened his grip and punched her in the face.  Released, she fell to ground and Del and Jonno rained kicks and punches while thundering the worst kind of insults at her.   She whimpered and curled up in the foetal position with her hands covering her head to try and protect herself.  They continued to batter her as she lay, standing up while stamping and kicking into her back. </p><p><br/>They stopped and Jonno told Big Del to get her up, which he did.  Jonno then slammed her face first into the building with one hand while he lifted her dress with the other.  Ainsley was barely conscious but became aware of what Jonno was trying to do to her. Again.  She began to weep as the 14 year old girl she had long left behind her, came rushing back.  “Please, no.”  she whimpered.   </p><p><br/>Jonno was grabbing at her knickers attempting to pull them down.  “You need to learn your place you fucking whore” Jonno said to her, his mouth only millimetres from her ear.  He pulled his dick out his grubby jeans to rape her.</p><p> <br/>She was trying to get free, but she was too weak , there were two of them, and Big Del had the strength of two men on his own.  She was lost and helpless.  With one last surge of adrenaline, she screamed for as long and as loud as she could.  It was from the depths of her soul and would chill anyone within range to the bone. </p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Rescue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On hearing the scream, Callum and Ben had both put their drinks down and ran off in the direction it came from.  Some of the guests followed them with Mitch and Mick striding out in front of the pack.  </p><p><br/>As the four front runners rounded the corner to the Argee Bhajee, they were greeted with the sight of two guys attempting to rape a woman in a bright yellow sundress.   “Oi!”  Ben shouted and began to sprint.  Callum shouted too, and then a look of horror spread across his face.  The two men had stopped what they were doing and had then thrown the poor woman to the ground like a bundle of rags before running off. As they made off, they glanced behind to check the progress of their pursuers.  Callum immediately recognised his dad.  “What the fuck?!  DAD?!”  He stopped dead as he tried to process what the fuck was going on.  </p><p> </p><p>Ben reached her first and turned the woman over to see how badly she was hurt.  “Ainsley?!”  He was genuinely shocked to see who it was.   Why would Jonno and his big mate be beating Ainsley like that?   “Callum!  Callum! It’s Ainsley!  Why would your dad be doing a number like this on ‘er?!  Callum!!”   Poor Callum was in shock.  He couldn’t believe this.</p><p><br/>Mitch and Ben had caught up with them now and Callum turned to Mick.  “Mick, that’s Ainsley lying there!  An’… an’… an’… that was my dad.  Why would he….?!  What….?!”  </p><p><br/>Mick looked at him in surprise.  “Jonno?!  What?  It was ‘im?!”  He felt sick hearing this. </p><p><br/>Mitch was now down with Ben at the side of Ainsley’s battered body.   “She’s in bad way, guys.  It looks really bad.  We better get an ambulance.  The way she looks though, she might not make it.”  </p><p><br/>Mick crouched down too and was calling her name trying to rouse her, but she was unconscious.  “Ainsley, gel, wake up love!  Wake up!”   The woman didn’t move.  She was barely breathing.  </p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Memory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben, Callum, Mick and Mitch were all at the hospital waiting on news of how Ainsley was doing.  It had been quite a few hours now and they had not been given any updates.  </p><p><br/>Callum was panicking and pacing the floor.   Ben stood up and got in his way to stop him and he put his hands on Callum’s arms.  “It’ll be alright, babe” he said to reassure him and then pulled him into a hug.  “I just don’t understand.” Callum eventually said.  “Why would my dad beat Ainsley like that?!   I mean, does he know her?  And what will I say to the police?”   Ben held his fiancé tighter and said, “We tell them what we saw.  One big guy and one little guy kicking the shit out of one of our neighbours.  They were too far away to recognise and so we don’t know if there was any reason, or if it was a mugging.  Tell you what though, babe.  I do want to know why Jonno would do that to Ainsley.   I said before I thought she was hiding somefin, but even my imagination is struggling with this one.” </p><p>“Mick – what do you think?”  Callum’s question went unanswered, as Mick was sitting lost in his thoughts.  This situation was bad.  Really bad.  Jonno might have killed Ainsley and he knew exactly why.  Dazzling Ainsley.   His mind wandered to the night they spent together, and he smiled inwardly.  Then he remembered what Ainsley had said.  “One day you’ll think of the memory of this and smile.”   He wanted to cry.  He didn’t know what to do, and he really hoped the police would stay away, from him at least, for now.  He’d maybe talk this over with his mother.  He was no grass, but this was one fucked up situation. If Shirley sanctioned telling the police what he knew, he would.  The fall out would be massive though; for everyone.  However, Jonno may well have murdered Ainsley, just for wanting to be near her son.  A son he didn’t even like.  Jonno really was a monster.  </p><p><br/>“Mick?”  Callum asked again.  “Any ideas why my dad would do something like this?!”  </p><p><br/>“No, son.  No.  No idea.”  </p><p>“Maybe I should phone Stuart.”</p><p>Both Mick and Ben in unison said “No!”  </p><p>Just at that, one of the emergency doctors came out and look at them.  “Mr Paterson?”</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Next of Kin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The doctor told them that Ainsley had survived so far but she was critically ill.  She could only tell them so much though, as they had to confess none of them were Mr Paterson or any kind of family or next of kin.  Did any of them know any of her family?  Mick felt uncomfortable having to say no, when he knew it was her son standing next to him, but this was not the moment.  </p><p><br/>One of the nurses came over and whispered to the doctor.  She excused herself and walked away with nurse. </p><p><br/>The nurse had just informed the doctor that the police had managed to locate Mr Paterson through her mobile phone, and he should be there shortly. </p><p><br/>The four men were not moving anywhere before they got some, any, news. They were completely unaware they were about to meet Ainsley’s estranged husband. </p><p><br/>---</p><p><br/>A smartly dressed man came rushing in and demanded to speak to a doctor.  He was mid to late forties, with dark salt and pepper grey hair.  He was tall and well-built although carrying a little bit extra weight around the middle. His eyes were piercing blue but were looking worried.   “Ainsley Paterson.  I’m her…  well I’m still her husband.”  The nurse walked round to escort him to the relatives’ room and then to get the doctor.  She pointed at the four men waiting, explaining they were the ones who had rescued his wife.  <br/><br/>He shot over and introduced himself, thanking them for helping his wife.  “I mean, we’re getting divorced and all, but I would never wish something like this on her.  I love her.  Loved her.” He verbally corrected himself, but his face and harried eyes told another story. </p><p><br/>The rescuers introduced themselves, and James was welcoming and thankful until Callum gave his name.  He took a step back.   “Callum?!”  James said.  “Callum.  Callum Highway?”    Callum was unnerved.  “Eh, yes?  Why, d’ya know me?”  he asked.  Ben was staring at the man wondering why this complete stranger knew his fiancé and Mick’s heart was thumping out his chest – Ainsley had said that her husband knew at least part of the story.  Oh God, please don’t let this unravel here! </p><p><br/>They were all rescued by the doctor and nurse who, right at that moment came and took James away to fill him in on his wife’s condition and prognosis.   </p><p>About 5 minutes later he came storming out the relative’s room with a tear-streaked face screwed up in anger, confusion and hurt.  “And I’m no longer her next of bloody kin” he was saying.   “Him!” he continued, while pointing at Callum.  “The lanky one – he’s her next of kin.”  As he marched past he said “Callum.  Good luck with ya mum, son.  And your sibling.  You’re gonna need it.”   He didn’t break his stride as he spoke and was soon gone.  </p><p><br/>“Fuck.” Mick thought and looked at Callum.  Ben nodded his head back as he thought “Whaaaaaat?!  Surely not!!  How could that be?!  Wow!” </p><p><br/>Callum looked bewildered.  “What did he mean – mum?  Why would my dad attack her like that?  What does “mum” mean?   Was Ainsley gonna marry my dad?!”</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben looked at Mick and then to Callum.  “Callum, no…”  He was about to explain what he thought he’d worked out, but then Mick spoke.</p><p><br/>“Callum, son.  Ainsley wasn’t seeing your dad.  It’s…. look… it’s…complicated.”  Mick was struggling.  He was going to have to break his promise to Ainsley and tell Callum the truth.  Fuck.  Why did this have to be his bomb to drop?  Fuck! </p><p>Ben, Callum and Mitch all stared at Mick.  "Do you know something about this?!" Mitch was the one to ask. </p><p><br/>Ben looked to Callum and then back to Mick before standing up for his fiancé.  “Mick, what do you know?  What do you KNOW?”  He grabbed Mick by the scruff of his shirt.  “You better start talking, Mick. NOW!”</p><p><br/>Mick pushed Ben away and then sat down looking up at Callum and his eyes filled with tears.  “It’s a long story Callum, and I’m sorry I never told you when I found out.  But it weren’t my story to tell.” <br/>“Mick”  Ben’s voice was menacing. </p><p><br/> “Ainsley, Callum.  Ainsley.  Look, she’s your muvver.  Your real muvver.  It’s a long story, but it’s true.  Jonno’s your dad, but your mum, well, she ain’t your mum.  Ainsley is. Ainsley’s your real mum.”</p><p><br/>Callum was stunned.  He stood motionless, his mind racing.   What sort of hell; what sort of fucked up situation was this?!  He felt panic rising up through his chest and his legs began to wobble.  He felt sick.  He felt claustrophobic and sick and had to get out of there.  He looked at Ben, Mitch and Mick, and then he ran.  </p><p><br/>Mick ran off behind him, but Ben tried to stop him saying “Mick! I’ll go!”</p><p><br/>They ended up running along the corridor together “No.  I’ve been through this.  I can talk to the boy.  Trust me.  You stay here with Mitch.  Give me half an hour.  I’ll bring him back. I promise.”   </p><p><br/>Ben then said that both he and Mick would go together; Callum would need them both.  Mitch had been happy enough to stay where he was.   Whatever was going down here, he didn’t want to be a part of it, and Karen was on her way up anyway.  </p><p><br/>Mick and Ben had gone. </p>
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<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They caught up with Callum in some sort of garden in the hospital grounds.  He was sitting and hyperventilating.  Ben sat beside him and placed his arm around him.  He whispered in Callum’s ear, talking him down and counting 1, 2, 3, to help slow his breathing.   Mick looked on the scene and choked up.  </p><p><br/>Once his breathing was calm, Callum turned to Mick.  “What’s going on Mick?  I don’t understand.  How can Ainsley be my mother?  How do you know?  Why didn’t you tell me?  Does Stuart know?  Who all knows?  What’s going on?”   Ben interrupted, “Babe, slow down, you’re just getting yourself worked up again and that ain’t gonna change anything.  Mick is gonna tell you what he knows, and I’m here with ya.  It’ll be okay babe, it will be okay.  Okay?”  Callum nodded.  “Mick tell me.  Tell me now!”  </p><p><br/>Mick sat and related the story to a stunned Ben and Callum.  He told them almost everything Ainsley had told him.  He knew Callum wouldn’t take it all in, but Mick hated Jonno now with every fibre of his being, and if there was a chance that Callum and Ainsley could perhaps salvage a relationship out of this heartache, then he wanted it for them.  They were two beautiful people and life, well Jonno, had fucked them both up royally.  </p><p><br/>“She’s always loved you Callum.  When we were talking; she thinks you’re amazing.   She’s sees you, Callum.  She lost you when you were days old, but she can read you like she’s been with you your whole life.  You want to have heard her talk about you.  And seen her.  Her face lit up and her eyes were all sparkly.  She’s ached for you all her life boy, and she just had to be near ya.” </p><p><br/>“How do you know this, Mick?”  Callum asked.  “How do you know this and why didn’t you tell me?! How long have you known?”  </p><p><br/>Mick shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  “It was by accident.  Two, three months ago.  End of May.   Jonno had come over, looking to hassle you and Stuart again no doubt, but they bumped into each other outside the tube station.  There was, I guess you could call it stand off.  I was passing and well, I overheard.  She sent Jonno away right fierce but collapsed when she walked away.  She was in a right state – throwing up.   I walked her home and she told me the story.  Callum, I remembered her. She mugged me off when she first got here, but I knew I knew her.  From the estate.  She changed her name and accent, but I knew her.  Know her.  And Stuart, son, Stuart will remember her too.” </p><p><br/>“Why didn’t you tell me?!”  Heartbreak was written all over poor Callum’s face.  </p><p><br/>“It wasn’t my news to tell, Callum.  She didn’t want to drop the bombshell on ya.  She, she,  she just wanted to be near ya, but not to turn your life upside down.  I think maybe she would’ve told you eventually, I dunno, but she asked me not to say anything.  Begged.  Last thing she ever wanted was to see you hurt.” </p><p><br/>Callum began to sob and Ben wrapped him in a hug. </p><p><br/>“Look son, I’ve been where you are.  I know exactly what you’re thinking.  It’ll get better, I promise.  Anytime you need to talk about it, find me.  I’m glad I know the truth about me mum, even though it is Shirley.”  He laughed and was pleased to see Callum sniffle a laugh through his tears.  “Mick?  Will it be alright? Really?”</p><p><br/>“Trust me, someday, you’ll be glad.  She’s a lovely person and what’s important is that she loves ya.  She really loves you Callum, and loves you for who you are.  It radiates out of her.  She talked about the night yous had in the Albert and like I said, her eyes were all sparkling just saying ya name. She’s still got a photo you know.  She showed it me.  You and ‘er in the hospital, just after you was born. Callum, she really sees you.”  </p><p><br/>“This is why he did it, innit?” was Callum’s next question.  “Was he trying to kill her?  To shut her up and get rid?!”  </p><p><br/>Mick just shrugged and then sat beside Callum and pulled him in for a hug.  </p><p>After a moment or two Callum looked to Ben.  “I need to phone Stuart, Ben.  I need my brother.”   Ben placed his hand on Callum’s cheek and wiped a tear away.  “Okay.”  </p><p><br/>Mick knew Callum was right.  Stuart did need to be here for this.  He just wished he himself didn’t.  But that would be tomorrow’s worry.  Today’s concern was Ainsley and Mick was worried sick.  “Callum?”  he said, and two of the bluest eyes looked at him mournfully.  “We need to talk to the doctors, son.”  Two tears slid down each side of Callum’s face as he nodded.  </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0041"><h2>41. It's all relative (pt1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they arrived back at the intensive care ward, Karen and Mitch were there waiting.  “Where you been?!” said Karen.  “The doctor’s been asking for you Callum.  D’ye know why?”  She was probing.</p><p><br/>“Not now, Karen” Ben warned, and then he walked to the nurses’ station and asked for Ainsley’s doctor.   </p><p><br/>Once the doctor came back out, she took Callum and Ben into the relatives’ room.  Callum motioned for Mick to come in too.  It felt awkward, but Mick went silently.  The boy needed his support.  </p><p><br/>The doctor explained Ainsley’s current state.   “She’s still critical, for at least the next 24, if not 48 hours.  She’s suffered multiple injuries and we have three main areas of concern.  Firstly, she’s got a few fractured ribs.  Alone that would be fine, and while we are worried about a potential punctured lung, we’re more concerned about internal bleeding.  It can be hard to diagnose and if we did, then we would need to act fast.  Second area of concern are her kidneys.  She took most of the blows to her back and her kidneys are badly bruised.  We’re putting her on dialysis for now, to give them a break and a chance to heal.  Each of these concerns are bad enough on their own, but I need to prepare you.  Right now, it could go either way.  There is a positive is though - there isn’t any sign of any brain injury for now, but that could change. We’ll need to monitor her very carefully.”</p><p><br/>Callum was weeping in the chair with Ben was holding and squeezing his hand.   </p><p><br/>Mick spoke up “What’s the third thing?  You said you have three areas of concern?”  </p><p><br/>He would soon wish he had kept his mouth shut. </p>
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<a name="section0042"><h2>42. It's all relative (pt2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“There is a further complication.  The baby seems to be unharmed as most of the attack was to your mum’s back rather than her front, but still, she has taken a horrific beating so we are obviously concerned about the risk of miscarriage – but particularly if we need to surgically intervene.”</p><p><br/>Callum finally spoke.  “Baby?” </p><p> </p><p>Yes Callum. Baby. Did you know your mum is pregnant?  We estimate about 12 or 13 weeks.”  </p>
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<a name="section0043"><h2>43. I'm spinning around</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mick’s head was spinning out.  Ainsley was pregnant?!  12 weeks?  3 months?  Oh shit.  Looked like his performance might have been too good.  Fuck. </p><p><br/>Lost in his spin, Mick didn’t feel Ben’s eyes checking out his reaction to this news.  Ben was thinking… just how long ago was it since he saw Mick walking out the back lane with a spring in his step?</p><p> </p><p>Mick’s face confirmed his suspicions.  Mick must have got a bit more out of Ainsley than just the story about his fiancé.  Both he and Callum really did share fucked up families. </p><p><br/>“You can see her now, if you would like?” The doctor was speaking to Callum once more.  </p><p><br/>‘‘“Eh, Eh, yeah.  Yeah.  I’ll see her.”</p>
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<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Strange reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They allowed Ben and Mick in to see Ainsley, as well as Callum.  He was obviously in complete shock and looked like he might need help standing up. </p><p><br/>They walked in and Callum stepped forward.  He looked broken as he viewed Ainsley.  The doctor had told him to prepare himself, but it was bad.  Her face was badly cut and bruised. One of her eyes was swollen shut.  She had been intubated to help her breathe, and there was what he guessed was the dialysis machine working at her side.  There were a lot of machines there, blinking and beeping quietly. </p><p><br/>Mick choked back tears.   “Callum, I’m so sorry.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Why?” said Callum.  “You always said he’d never change.  I was the one who thought he weren’t all that bad.  But look, look at what he did.  To a woman.  And he took a mate to help him.  What sort of person does that?  He’s a monster.”  Callum sat on the chair at side of Ainsley’s bed and took her hand.  “I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry.” He paused and then quietly said “Mum.”  He then buried his head in the bed and broke his heart.  </p><p> </p><p>Ben motioned to Mick that they should step outside.  He had some more questions and he didn’t want Callum to hear.  </p>
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<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Holding back the years</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mick, is there anything you’re holding back?”  Ben needed to know everything.</p><p>  <br/>“Like what?” was Mick’s reply.  He was tired and stressed with this mess.  It was all he could do not to fall into a panic attack. </p><p><br/>“Like anything?  Are there any other ticking bombs waiting for ‘im?” </p><p><br/>“No.  Not that I know about anyway.  I told him the truth I swear.  I care about him, Ben.  You know I do.  He’s a good kid and I’d have lost the Vic if it weren’t for him.  And I ain’t got any plans to protect Jonno.”</p><p><br/>“Any special interest?”  Ben couldn’t resist poking him, but Mick was oblivious to the dig.  </p><p><br/>“I knew her back then.  And actually yes, there is something I’m holding back.  Her life before Callum was fucking awful.  He don’t need to know that Ben, but maybe you do.”  Mick’s comment hurt Ben, but he didn’t react.  All he said was “So, which one of us is phoning Stuart?”  Mick felt sick. </p>
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<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Stuart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rainie looked at Stuart as he came off his phone.  She had never seen this look on his face before, and it chilled her to the bone. “What is it?” she asked.  </p><p>“I need to go,” he said.  “Callum.  He’s in bovver.  And it’s my dad’s fault.  I need to go.  My bruvver needs me.”  </p><p>Rainie was concerned – Stuart’s eyes had darkened like a shark’s before it attacks. “Bother?  What kind of bother?  Is he okay? Let me come with you.”</p><p>“No, it’s better I go on my own.”</p><p>“Stuart, please.  I’m scared you do something stupid.”</p><p>“Don’t worry baby” he replied.  “I ain’t gonna do nuffin’ I shouldn’t done years ago.”  </p>
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<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Vigil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger warning - child abuse memory</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Callum hadn’t been home in 24 hours.  He stayed by Ainsley’s side every minute, parked in the patient’s chair by her bed.  She hadn’t got any worse in the time since the attack, but she hadn’t got any better either.  He was terrified in case she died before he had a chance to find out more.   </p><p>He hadn’t known what it was at the time, but he had been aware that something was missing from his life before he met Ben.  Being able to come out, and his love with Ben had made him feel complete.  But last night’s events had shattered him.  His world had been turned on its axis.  He hadn’t felt before how much he had missed having a mum.  He’d never really had any female influence in his life.  After his mum, well ha! Stuart’s mum, had left, it was just Jonno, Stuart and his grandad.  What if his dad had now stolen another mother from him?!</p><p> His only solace was that Ben was there for him.  Amazing, strong Ben.  People didn’t appreciate how strong Ben really was.  He knew most people believed that he was the stable, calm one in their relationship but they didn’t know about the PTSD nights, even before his diagnosis, when he had been paralysed and broken, sobbing on their bed.  Ben had simply lain beside him, holding and soothing him through his pain and his fears.  He had a gorgeous boyfriend who’d become his partner, now his fiancé and would be his husband.  Ben was his glimmer of hope in this nightmare.  </p><p>Mick and Ben were taking turns to stay with him.  He had nodded fitfully into a cat nap in the chair when Mick saw Stuart’s arrival outside the room.  He quietly stepped outside and took a deep breath.  Stuart had been almost silent when he’d broken the news, and that was never a good thing.  </p><p>“Mick, tell me everything and don’t fucking sugar coat it.  What is going on?” he said.  “Look, lets go in ‘ere” and Mick pointed to the relatives’ room.   Stuart sat down, but on the edge of the seat, with his back ramrod straight with his hands tucked under his thighs. His eyes were staring into the middle distance.  </p><p>Mick began to tell the story but started with a disclaimer.  “Look, Ainsley, that’s her name now, but, well, Ally told me everything. Everything Stuart.  So, I know some stuff I ain’t that comfortable with, but I can’t change that. I know it and you’re gonna know I know it. Okay?”  Mick was nervous.  He knew there was a chance Stuart could go off on one of psycho episodes with this, and there was a bigger chance the Jonno would breathe his last soon - not for what he’d done to Stuart, or even Ainsley;  but for what he had done to Callum.  </p><p>Mick broke his promise to Ainsley once again and filled in some holes in his and Stuart’s history.  The young offenders’ situation didn’t sit easy with either of them – it had never been Stuart’s sentence to serve, and it had led to a much longer sentence in his head, with the abuse he had suffered at the hands of one of the officers. </p><p>Stuart listened in silence and then asked Mick how Callum was holding up.  Mick was honest.  “Not great.  He’s not left her side.  He’s avoided being interviewed by the police, but I think he needs his big bruvver.  Now more than ever.  Don’t go looking for Jonno, Stuart. Leave him for now.  Just stay here for Callum.” </p><p>Stuart answered that Jonno seemed to have gone.  He told Mick he’d stopped by his haunts on the way here and it looked like he’d done a runner or gone to ground.  Mick hoped it was the truth and that Jonno wasn’t lying dead somewhere, at the hands of his son. “Gone to ground”… </p><p>“I’m here for my bruvver now.” he said gravely, as he stood up and walked to Ainsley’s room. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger warning - child abuse memory</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stuart walked into the ICU room and saw Callum now dozing softly in the chair next to the bed.  He looked terrible and it broke Stuart’s heart to see it.  He had honestly thought Jonno couldn’t hurt sweet Callum anymore, but wow – what a fucking rabbit he’d pulled out the hat here.  The story Mick had told him explained a lot of things from his childhood and why probably <strike>their</strike> his mother had left.  His self-hatred started gnawing at him as he supposed it also explained why Callum was so good while he was so ugly on inside.  Of course they weren’t full brothers.  How could he have thought he was fully related to the angel in that chair.    </p><p>He kept his focus on Callum.  He still hadn’t looked at Ally.  He was terrified to see her.  The memory of her, and that night – what his father was doing to her…  He had long buried that haunting image, but he now realised that’s how demons are so successful.  They’ll leave you for just long enough that you think they’re gone forever and then… </p><p>He took a deep breath and turned his head.  Fuck.  He didn’t know what Ally would look like now, but holy shit – Jonno had really gone to town.  Well, Jonno and big Del.  </p><p>Big Del.  Not so big now.  Stuart had found him in the snooker club and had released his rage.  Del had been so cocky when Stuart had walked in; bragging about what he and Jonno had done and how he was sorry, but only because Stuart’s <em>poof</em>  of <em>half </em> brother had turned up with his boyfriend so they had been forced to leave without finishing the job.  </p><p>Stuart had gone to town.  He’d smashed up the whole snooker club using Del as his tool.  Big Del was probably in an ICU room now too, somewhere across town.  In fairness though, if big Del knew where Jonno was, he was no snitch.  </p><p>As he stood, he stretched his hands out at his sides.  The blood had now dried, and his knuckles were starting to throb.  He took a deep breath and walked towards the chair.  </p><p>He placed his hand on Callum’s shoulder and woke him from his doze.  Callum sniffed and when he realised his brother was there, he leapt from the seat to let Stuart envelop him in his arms.  He then allowed himself to sob.  Stuart shushed him and assured him it’ll be alright.  “I’m here now bruv . You’re still my brother and I love you.  I’ve dealt with big Del and I’ll fix dad for this.  I’ll make it right.  I’ll make it right for ya.”  Callum said nothing as his tears continued to flow.  </p><p>---</p><p>They broke away when Ben walked in with teas for them all.   Ben was first to speak.  “Stuart, will you please tell Callum to come home for a proper rest.  You’ll do the nightshift here with Ainsley and we’ll be back in the morning after he’s had a sleep?”   “Ain’t you been home?” Stuart asked Callum, even though he already knew that he hadn’t.  His baby brother looked at him with seal pup eyes and tear stained cheeks and shook his head.  “I can’t… I don’t… Should…” he was so physically and emotionally exhausted he couldn’t speak.  </p><p>“I promise I’ll stay here with her til you get back, okay?  Rainie and Abi are still in Exeter.  I ain’t going anywhere.  And if I need to step away, well, I’ll get Mick to cover for me.  Okay?  Okay??”  Callum sighed and weakly nodded his head.  Ben took his fiancée’s hand and led him from the room.  </p><p>Stuart took his tea and sat on the chair by the bed.  He looked at Ally and brushed a hair away from her forehead.   His head hurt.  The demons had come back with a vengeance and, holy shit they were they doing a number on him now.  The lid he’d forced on the box of horrors of his youth had been ripped off and it felt like Dementors were flying around inside his head.  The pain he felt was physical.   His hands went to the sides of his head and as his head lowered, he began to cry.   </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Rest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has been updated with smut.  The boys deserve it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben and Callum got home, and Ben immediately went to the bathroom and started running the shower.   He walked back into the living room and Callum hadn’t moved from where he stood.  Ben stood in front of him and took his coat off.   “C’mon babe.  Get in the shower, I’ll make you a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and we’ll try and get some sleep.  There’s nothing you can do right now and if anything changes, Stuart has promised me we’ll be the first to know.”  Callum nodded but still didn’t move.  Ben led him to bathroom and started to tenderly underdress him.  “Babe, I can do your shirt, but I can’t step out your trousers for you.  Come on now.”  Callum shook himself out the funk and finally made a voluntary move.  “Okay, okay.  Thanks, I’ll take it from here.” He placed his hand on the side of Ben’s face and told him he loved him. </p><p>While Callum showered, Ben warmed some milk in a pan for the hot chocolate.    He was really worried.   Callum had done so well working through his PTSD.  There had been dark times, very dark, but he’d come though it and now was a counsellor himself.  He was so good at it.  He always had been - Ben knew that he’d been his first client really.   But this, fuck!  This could unravel all his hard work and Ben didn’t want to see his love suffer like that again.   That was reason he’d been happy for Stuart to be contacted.  He wanted all the support there was for Callum.  </p><p>Callum came out from his shower wrapped up in Ben’s fluffy grey bathrobe, which was a little too small for him.  “Thank you.  I needed that.  I feel a bit more human.”   <br/>“Sit down” Ben replied as he walked over with a steaming mug in his hands.  They both sat on the couch looking towards each other with their knees touching.   Callum took a sip from the mug, smiled and said, “Thank you.”  <br/>“You’re welcome.” Ben said and then he grabbed the remote control and switched on the TV.  Callum would be ready to talk a little bit shortly, but Ben didn’t want him to feel pressured.  He shifted his position and snuggled in, placing his head on Callum’s chest where he could feel the reassuring vibration of his heart.  He didn’t even think about it.  It was just what they did.  </p><p>---</p><p>Callum drained the last of the liquid chocolate from his mug and gently nudged Ben as he leaned forward to put the mug down.  Ben had been almost dozing.  He sat up and told Callum it was time for bed.  Callum looked unsure as he said “I don’t know if I’ll sleep.  My head is still spinning.”   <br/>“Well, let’s try.” Ben said.  More chance of you catching some zeds in bed than on the couch.  C’mon.”  </p><p>They lay in bed and Ben was the big spoon tonight, wrapping his arm over and then tucking one leg between Callum’s two long limbs.  Ben placed a kiss between his shoulder blades and closed his eyes to sleep.  Callum meanwhile pulled Ben’s hand to his lips and kissed him back.  <br/>“Thank you.”  <br/>“You’re welcome.” Ben replied and kissed his back again.  Callum then kissed Ben’s hand again too.  Once, twice, then three times, before he began to gently suck one of his fingers.  Ben’s eyes shot open. “Babe?”  Callum turned over and he and Ben lay just looking at each other.  Callum then slid Ben’s hand down and placed it on his cock which Ben was surprised to find was rock hard.  Callum then took Ben’s now stiffening dick in his own hand.  They hadn’t broken their gaze before Callum then moved his head forward as Ben wet his lips.  Their kiss was soft and slow at first, but then Callum bit at Ben’s bottom lip before darting his tongue into his mouth.  Ben reciprocated before Callum began to roughly suck his tongue into his own mouth.  Ben felt him get harder as he did so, and heard him give a deep guttural moan.  He pulled his mouth away for a moment to whisper “Cal, baby, tell me what you want”  <br/>“You” was the muffled reply as Callum was roughly kissing and biting at Ben’s neck.  <br/>“No, baby, what do you want me to do?”  Callum stopped and raised his head to look Ben in the eye.  <br/>“I want you to do nothing” he said.  “I want to just follow my instincts and take you where I go.  Can I do that?” and he began to place soft baby kisses around Ben’s face.  <br/>“Sure, baby, sure.  I’ll be anywhere you are.” Ben replied.   Callum smiled his beautiful smile before kissing Ben on the lips once more, teasing with his tongue before gaining pace and pushing his tongue roughly in Ben’s mouth.  He released Ben’s cock from his hand before taking both Ben’s hands and putting them through his hair.  Ben look down on his man as he again was biting at his neck and chest.  Callum’s eyes were closed and he looked completely focused.  His expression had an intensity and determination that made Ben’s eyes roll back in his head.  “Pull” he heard Callum say.  “What, babe?”  Muffled, Callum answered, “my hair, play with roughly, pull it and keep doing it”  Ben did what he was asked as Callum ate his way lower and lower, his chin brushing the top of Ben’s cock causing Ben to shudder and gave an involuntary moan.  Callum slid further down and then sucked Ben into his mouth.  The two men groaned in unison.  As he sucked, Callum slipped his hands up to Ben’s wrists and regulated the speed and tension of him pulling his hair, before moving down to Ben’s hips and then round his ass cheeks, raising him slightly.  Ben closed his eyes waiting on what was coming next.  Callum slowed his sucking pace down to an almost stop, letting the head of Ben’s dick rest at his mouth’s opening, slowly sucking up and then releasing.  He then moved his head down to Ben’s star.  He laughed inwardly thinking, it’s really my star.  My star.  Mine.  He tickled it gently with his tongue, lapping and circling and then taking Ben’s dick in his hand again.  Ben stretched his legs open a bit wider as he slid down the bed some more, so he could push for more of Callum’s tongue.  Callum was happy to oblige and began to use his tongue to fuck Ben’s hole.  He teased him, alternating between licking and lapping, circling and tongue fucking him.  Ben writhed with pleasure beneath him.  Callum’s other hand then fumbled about for the lube which he eventually grabbed and smothered over his fingers while he leaned back and looked at Ben.  “Fuck” he growled.  “I don’t know when I’ll be finished with you tonight”  Ben looked his lover in the eye and said, “I don’t care when you’ll be finished neither – please just touch my cock again”  which Callum did as he stayed partially upright, watching him.   He teased Ben’s hole again, and then gently slipped his finger in and out in slow strokes.  He watched his boyfriend react to his touches and whispered “Ben?”  He responded by fluttering his eyes open and Callum then told him he was beautiful.  “The most fucking beautiful man I ever saw and I’m so lucky I have you.”  He then slipped a second finger in, stretching Ben as gently as he could, and he felt Ben’s cock twitch in his hand as his lover responded to his touch. <br/>“Are you ready for me?” Callum asked, his voice was husky with lust.  <br/>“Always babe, always.  I’ll never not want you inside me.” Was Ben’s response as he writhed to raise his arse up for easier access for Callum.   “I want to watch you babe, is that okay?  Is that where you want to go?”  <br/>Callum licked his lips and nodded that yes, this was what he wanted too.  He slipped his fingers out Ben’s hole and replaced them with the tip of his cock.  Ben sighed a sweet moan, before pleading “oh babe yes… please… let me have you… please.” And then he caught his breath and gasped as Callum pushed himself all the way in.   “Babe… I love you”  were the next words Ben said.  Callum leaned forward as he set a rhythm with his hips, and told Ben that he loved him too. As he leaned Ben felt drops of wetness fall on his chest.  He raised his arms to pull Callum further down towards him and their lips crashed together in a kiss that was not only passionate, but was also pure and true.  The rolled like thunder together, kissing, nibbling, fucking, sucking, all the while Ben biting back his own tears as he thumbed Callum’s away.    He loved him so much.  They were two halves of puzzle that only the other could complete.  </p><p>After they climaxed, they didn’t move and just lay facing and holding each other.  Callum whispered to Ben again that he loved him.  Ben didn’t hesitate to tell Callum that he loved him too.  He then gently blew on Callum’s face which made his eyes close.  Ben kept blowing softly while stroking the back of his head.  Callum’s eyes were soon heavy with exhaustion and he drifted into a deep and dreamless slumber.  Ben lay awake and watched him sleep, brushing strands of his mussed-up ‘sex hair’ from his face.  Content that Callum was getting much needed rest, Ben allowed his own eyes to close, and he too was soon asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Husband</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Firstly - I'm sorry I haven't updated this story in months...  I won't bore you with the details - but I know it's been tough for us all.   You may want to re-read Chapter 49 - it's been updated with some smut, as the boys deserved it, and so did we :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stuart woke with a start as he was roughly shaken by a man who he thought maybe was a doctor. </p><p>“Excuse me, but who the fuck are you?!”  the man said.   Hmm.  Maybe not a doctor.  Stuart took a deep breath and shook his head. </p><p>“Who the fuck are you?!” Stuart said and he stood to square up to the belligerent visitor, who was subsequently a bit surprised to find that even at his full stretch of 6’1”, he was having to looking up to his opponent. </p><p>“I’m her fucking husband and I’d like to know why you’re sitting at my wife’s bedside.”  The man swayed. </p><p>“Oh, and you think it’s right to come in here after a skinful effing and blinding when your <em>wife</em> is lying here at death’s door?  She wouldn’t have had anyone with her if it was left to you.  An’ ain’t youse e-stained anyway?”</p><p>“<em>Estranged.</em>  Is that what you’re trying to say?” the man scoffed.   “Well, excuse me but I don’t think that’s any of your fucking business and you still haven’t answered my fucking QUESTION!” </p><p>Before the man could respond, the door to the room was flung open and one of the nurses stood there.  She was a slightly older Indian lady who was tiny.  5’1” on her tiptoes maybe.</p><p>“Excuse me gentlemen, but I’m going to have to ask you both to leave this room now please.”  She had a slight accent, but it was subtle.</p><p>The men turned and began to protest, so the nurse spoke again.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry.  Let me rephrase.  The two of you are leaving this room right now, and I DO NOT want to have to say it again” She paused for effect.   “Capisce!?”</p><p>The men looked at the floor and then trooped out the room as she stood and held the door open.   “Gentlemen, if you could both go to the relatives’ room for me please.  I’ll be there in a moment” and she closed the room door. </p><p>True to her word, a minute later the nurse entered the relatives room and sat down.  “My name is Samina, may I have your names please?  “James Paterson”.  “Stuart Highway”.</p><p>“You’re Stuart?!” James asked, with shock in his voice.   Stuart leaned forward and replied “Oh, so you <em>do</em> know who I am?!”   James stayed silent.</p><p> </p><p>“Gentlemen”, Samina spoke again with a warning tone.  “I have to explain to you that the lady in that room there is gravely ill.”   The two men sat forward to listen intently to what they assumed was an update on Ainsley/Ally’s condition.  “Now the last thing she needs is you two measuring up your penis sizes while she is fighting for her life.”  The two men looked shocked and mortified at the same time.  They hadn’t expected to be chastised.  “Now, James, you are the husband, yes?”  James nodded.  “Do you think it’s appropriate to visit your wife in ICU following an evening in the pub?”  He shook his head.  </p><p>It was then Stuart’s turn.  “And you, sir.  What is your relationship to Mrs Paterson?”  Stuart shifted in his seat.  “I’m her son’s brother.  Well, apparently now I’m just his half-brother.  She ain’t <em>my</em> mum.  She’s only a year or so older than me” and he gave an awkward laugh.  “Her son, my brother, he, he, hadn’t been left her side in over 24 hours so to get him home, I promised to stay with her til he gets back.”  He cleared his throat and then in a low voice said “ma’am.”    </p><p>“Well, I think Mrs Paterson should be left alone to rest tonight, don’t you?”  Stuart protested with panic in his voice.  “But I promised Callum, I promised him I wouldn’t leave her til he gets back!!” </p><p>“You can wait in here if you like, but neither of you are going back into that room tonight.  Is that understood?”  Again, the two men meekly accepted the scolding from the tiny lady.  However, James did pipe up “well, if he gets to stay here then I’m staying too.” and he pouted slightly.  Samina rolled her eyes and said “No pillow fights gentleman please.”  Then looking directly at James she added “and the coffee machine is in the corridor.” </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Spend the night together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stuart was the first to speak after Nurse Samina had left.  “I’ll get you a coffee.  What d’ya take?”   James replied, “just black” and slumped back in his chair.  Just as Stuart walked through the door, he added a grudging “thanks”.</p><p>It wasn’t long before Stuart returned with two steaming little plastic cups.  He handed one to James, and then sat down opposite him. </p><p>“An’ are you the dad?” James slurred slightly as he blew on the hot liquid in his cup. </p><p>“Dad?”  Stuart answered incredulously.  “Did you not just ‘ear me say, he’s my baby bruvver?”</p><p>“No.  Not Callum’s dad.  The baby’s dad.” </p><p>“Oh.  Oh, that dad.  Nah, mate.  Tonight’s the first I’ve seen her in nearly 30 years, so I can’t help you wiv that.” Stuart’s face softened.  He guessed the man opposite him was dealing with his own stuff as well. </p><p>They both sat in silence for a few minutes.</p><p>James was first to speak again, saying softly, “So, Callum stayed with her?”  “Didn’t leave her side?”   </p><p>“No, he didn’t” Stuart replied.  “Even though you’d just dropped the bomb on ‘is ‘ead.”  </p><p>James sat up and asked, “What do you mean?” </p><p>“He didn’t know.  He didn’t know she was his real mum until you opened ya big mouth! None of us knew.  Well..”</p><p>James was stunned and interrupted Stuart.  “What?!  He didn’t know?!  But if he didn’t know, why was he here?!”</p><p>Stuart gave an abridged version of what he had gathered from Mick.   “So, she moved next to him, and got to know him but said nothing?!”    Stuart nodded before saying “I’ve been away, but Mick, he knows ‘er from before as well, he said she didn’t want him to know.  She didn’t want to hurt ‘im.”  Labouring the point he added “She didn’t want to turn his life upside down.  Didn’t want to drop a bomb on ‘is ‘ead.”   James was silent for a moment before he changed the subject.  “Do you know what happened?  Who attacked her?  The police aren’t telling me anything much.”  It was Stuart’s turn to be silent before he eventually just uttered a quiet “No” before he busied himself making a pillow with his jacket and then stretching his large frame across the chairs and settling himself to sleep. </p><p>He then spoke once more.  “They heard a scream, ran and found her.  That’s all I know.”    </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Heal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben’s watch vibrated and woke him up.  Neither he nor Callum had moved during the night.  He was glad.  It meant Callum hadn’t been restless.  He lay for a moment or two just watching him sleep again.  He loved him so much, it hurt sometimes.  He leaned his head forward and placed a soft kiss on Callum’s forehead, but he didn’t stir.  Ben then shifted backwards across the bed as gingerly as he could so get up without disturbing him.</p><p>He put some coffee on and just before he grabbed a shower, he checked his phone for any updates from Stuart.  There were two messages.  The latest one said, “Drs say no change.”  The earlier one was equally as brief, but it gave Ben a start.  “HUSBAND IS HERE” it said.  “Fuck” he thought, and the massiveness of the situation hit him.  He typed out a response.  “Callum sleeping.  Is husband still there??”   “Fuck” he said again before heading to bathroom.</p><p>---</p><p>Stuart had been the first of the two men to wake up, and he’d checked in with the nurses before texting Ben.  He went and sat back down again in the relatives’ room and looked over at a sleeping James.   He looked rough and stank of stale booze.  “What a fucking situation” thought Stuart.  His thoughts then spiralled darkly downwards.  He was going to have to deal with this for Callum.  Jonno had gone too far.  He was Callum’s protector and would have to kill Jonno now.  He couldn’t risk Jonno ever having a chance to torture his poor brother again.  There was no other option.</p><p>---</p><p>Callum shot through from the bedroom.  “Ben…BEN!  It’s 10am!!  Why didn’t you wake me?!”   Ben looked up from sofa and said “Babe, calm down.  You needed sleep and Ainsley is fine.  Stuart’s already texted and said there was no change overnight.  No change is good, no change is healing.  Now take a deep breath, sit down and I’ll get you a freshly brewed coffee like a good little wife.”  Callum stood and then Ben saw his shoulders lower and he walked meekly towards the sofa.  “Okay, thanks” he said to Ben as “the good little wife” got up and kissed the top of his head before going to the kitchen and setting up a fresh cafetiere.   Callum sat and thought about Ben’s sarky “wife” comment.  He wanted to be offended, but one thing they knew about each other is that they both needed a little kick up the jacksy sometimes.  Ben was definitely the more petulant of the two, but he took Callum’s tough love when it was needed, and Callum had actually learned from this – that he needed to accept the tough love too, sometimes.  He would maybe do as he was told today.  His easy acceptance of that made him realise that the sleep Ben had forced on him had done him a power of good.</p><p>---</p><p>James woke up and his head was pounding and his joints ached.  He sat up and rolled his neck.  He look up and saw Stuart sitting across from him.  “Shit, you gave me fright” he said and then asked “Have you just been sitting there watching me sleep?”   Stuart didn’t say anything and James just coughed out the word “creepy”.  This activated Stuart who stood, walked over and then leaned down to be nose to nose with James.  “If it hadn’t been for your drunken arse, I’d have been sitting at Ally’s bedside last night, willing her on to get better, as her son asked me to.”   </p><p>James just looked at his watch and asked if the doctors had been to check on her yet.  “And it is Ainsley, not Ally.  She laid Ally to rest years ago.”   Stuart sat back down and confirmed that there had been no change in <strike>Ally</strike> Ainsley’s condition, but they were considering removing the ventilator later, all being well. </p>
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<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Stepdad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben had insisted they go to the caff for a cooked breakfast and Callum had been happy to agree.  He began to change his mind however as they both walked there from their flat.   It seemed the market telegraph was still working well as Callum said to Ben “This is exactly what it was like after you got shot.  Everyone whispering about me as I walked past.”  His voice sounded forlorn.  “Well then” Ben said “you’ll know that they’ll be gossiping about something else tomorrow.  Don’t worry about it.”  He squeezed Callum’s hand and leaned in to rub arms as they walked.  </p><p> </p><p>When they got to the caff, Ben indicated to Callum to grab a table while he ordered and spoke with his mum.   “So, is it true then?” Kathy asked after greeting her son.  “Depends what you heard.”   As soon as he said it, he wished he’d bit his tongue.  His annoyance at the gossip shouldn’t have been directed at his mum.  “Sorry.” He immediately followed up.  “The whole market was buzzing as we walked through, and Callum don’t need it.  Guess he’s got Karen Taylor to thank for that.”   Kathy’s face seem to indicate he was correct but she was a little annoyed too and said “well, it would’ve been nice if my son had bothered to tell me family news before she did.  He <em>is</em> family now and you know I love him.  So is it true? Is Ainsley his mother and his dad almost killed her?”   “It’s a long story and there is a bit more to it, but yes, and I was gonna tell you, but I’ve been with him since it kicked off.  I promise, I’ll catch up with you soon as I can.”  Kathy smiled as she handed over two cups of tea and watched Ben go and join his fiancé at the corner table he’d tucked himself into.  Ben deposited the tea and leand in to kiss Callum on the top of his head as he slid in and sat beside him. </p><p> </p><p>“Stuart’s texted me back, they’re thinking about removing the ventilator later.” Callum said as he fiddled with his phone.  “Well, that’s good news” said Ben.  Fingers crossed she’s on the mend and then.  You might be able to get some answers.”    </p><p>“He also said her husband is there.  He says he’s a lot calmer than he was yesterday.” Ben furrowed his brow at this news and said “Babe, if you don’t wanna go up visiting that is alright you know.  No-one expects anything of you, and she’s still sedated in’t she.”   Callum shook his head; “Nah, I wanna go.  I feel I should be there, I dunno.  An’ maybe her husband can tell me something.”   “Your new step-dad, ya mean?”  Ben was testing the water to see if he could try and lift Callum’s mood, even just for a moment.  He hated to see his fiancé so down.  Thankfully, it had the desired effect and Callum snuffled a laugh.  Ben instantly felt better.  He loved Callum’s smile.</p>
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<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Wake Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I appreciate your continued patience - had a disaster where I lost chapters for this and my other story.  Neither recovered.  I should now be able to update weekly from now on though.  As a reader, I prefer regular updates so will make extra effort.  </p><p>As always, I appreciate all the kudos and comments - thank you !  xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After they’d woken up and had some vending machine coffee, both Stuart and James went in search of permission to enter Ainsley’s room again.  They found Sameena who looked very tired, but smiled sweetly and asked them how they were this morning.  Pleasantries dispensed with, they asked if they could sit with Ainsley again.  She agreed, but warned about behaviour.  They both promised to be quiet and respectful.  They both walked in to room, and Stuart had to grab James as his legs began to give way.  “I didn’t look at her last night” he said to Stuart.  “I was just so angry and when I saw you, well I saw red.  I didn’t realise she looked so bad”  He steadied himself, sat beside her bed and cried.  “Why would someone do this?!”</p><p>Stuart, unsure what to do with himself, just sat on a plastic chair beside James, saying nothing. </p><p>“When she first told me about Callum, I was devastated.” Said James as he sniffed. “No-one wants to hear that about someone they love.  I just wanted to take the hurt away.  I’d have done anything to make it right.  But she never changed her mind.” </p><p>“About what?” asked Stuart.</p><p>“Kids.”   “Neither of us wanted kids when we first got together.” James continued.  “but then you grow up a bit, and warm to the idea.  You love someone, you want to make babies, right?” He gave a wry smile.</p><p>“S’at why you broke up then?” Stuart finally spoke.</p><p>“I guess.  A young family moved into our street and I loved the chaos of their lives.  Garden strewn with toys and bikes, fights, squeals of laughter; it looked so care free.  And Clare, single mum,  squad of kids, but she always looked so content.  She also wasn’t forensically combing the internet at every free moment, hunting down her long-lost son on social media.  That sounds really selfish of me, but it she wouldn’t tell me anything either.  It felt like <em>she</em> was having an affair.”  </p><p>“I work more now than ever, I have less money, but I have a son, I have beautiful Clare, I’m stepdad to three other kids and never been happier.   But when they told me she was pregnant, it hurt.  Like maybe it was just my kids she didn’t want?”  He sniffed again and then said “Sameena would no doubt say it’s just my fragile male ego.”   He paused for a moment and then asked Stuart “are you staying around just now.  I’m stinking, and I’ve been out all night.  I need a shower and I’m sure there’s a frosty reception waiting for me at home as well.  Best get that over with and I’ll come back up later, but I don’t want her to be alone.” </p><p>“Yeah, mate.  I daren’t leave til Callum comes up anyway.  She won’t be alone.”  Stuart reassured him.</p><p>“Let me grab you a bacon roll from the canteen before I go.” James offered “and a proper cuppa.”  Once delivered, James stood and offered his hand to Stuart saying  “Thanks mate, and I’m sorry about last night.  Just having a bit of trouble processing all this.”  Stuart nodded and shook his hand. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Ben and Callum arrived at the hospital around 1pm.   Stuart was trying to tell Callum of the events of the last few hours with James, but they were interrupted when the doctor from the first day came into the room. </p><p>“We’re going to remove the tube in about an hour or so” she said, “and then start weaning off the sedation.  You can sit with her for now, but there’ll be no visitors allowed in the room when we start the procedure.”  Callum nodded softly as she continued “Actually, Callum, can I have a word?”</p><p>They sat again in relatives’ room and Callum look terrified.  The doctor smiled and told him not to look so worried.  “She’s doing well, Callum.  She’s not out the woods, but she’s not critical anymore.  This is just to tell you the results of the DNA test.  She is definitely your mother.  I hope it’s the confirmation you need.”  Callum nodded his head again, as some tears tracked their way slowly down his cheeks.  “We’re looking after her the best we can.”   </p><p>They heard Stuart’s raised voice outside in the corridor and both went to see what the fuss was about.  When they opened the door, Stuart was remonstrating with a couple of what surely must have been detectives. </p><p>“I weren’t even there!” Stuart was saying.  “And if Callum saw it was our dad, he’d tell you.  He dun wanna protect him.” </p><p>“Stuart, it’s alright.”  Callum’s voice sounded stronger than it had in days.  “How d’ye know it was ‘im” he then asked of the cops.  </p><p>“We found some CCTV near the incident and saw Jonno and an acquaintance we believe is known as ‘Big Del’ looking like they were making good their escape.”  Cop no.1 was speaking. </p><p>Cop no. 2 then said “Callum, did you see your dad near the scene?”  </p><p>There was a moment of tension before Callum exhaled and said “Yer, I saw him.  It was him.” </p><p>Cop 2 spoke again “Why didn’t you tell us this two days ago, Callum?”</p><p>“Why d’ye think?”</p><p>“Any ideas about his motive?”</p><p>“One or two.” </p><p>“Care to share?”</p><p>Callum nodded and then gestured to the relatives’ room.  Ben took his hand and placed his other hand on his back, gently rubbing to assure him.  Stuart looked a bit defeated as he looked at his brother, but Callum just said “Enough, Stuart. Enough.”</p><p>***</p>
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<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Wake Up 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Callum filled the police in on the whole story, Karen and Tina arrived at the hospital next.  “We figured she might want some friendly faces when she wakes up” Tina had said. “If she opens her eyes and just sees all you grumpy hairy arsed men, she’ll be liable to wanna go back in a coma.” </p><p>“But I brought supplies for ya all” Karen breezed with her usual enthusiasm.  She had indeed brought plenty of supplies, as she emptied a carrier bag full of fresh Butcher-Baker sandwiches. </p><p>As they ate, James arrived back.  Stuart stood up and they shook hands again.  Karen and Tina exchanged glances as Stuart introduced him.  <br/>He continued “Ladies, I hope you won’t mind but I need a bit of fresh air and also a word wiv James, so you cool on sentry duty?”  Karen and Tina both spoke saying “of course, away you go.” and “We’ve got it covered.”  </p><p>James looked concerned as they walked, but Stuart filled him in that Ainsley was still okay, but that Callum was in the relatives’ room talking with plod about the attack.  Once they were outside Stuart stopped and looked gravely at James.  “I know you’ve bouncing a bit off the walls the last couple of days, but you seem a bit better know, and I know you still care for her, yeah?”  James nodded his agreement.  “and you’ll care about those she cares about it an all?”  James continued to nod, but his eyes were beginning to spark.  “Mate, look, I need you to keep it together for now, okay?”  </p><p>“I will if you tell me what the fuck this is about” James spoke through his teeth.  </p><p>Stuart began walking again, waiting til James moved alongside him and filled him in on what Callum was telling the police.   </p><p>“I’ll fucking kill him” was James’ response. </p><p>“Mate, I’ll have done ‘im in long before you even find ‘im.”</p>
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<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Wake Up 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James and Callum had both been allowed back in Ainsley room and James had apologised at how he’d behaved to Callum when they first met.  They both sat either side of the bed but despite the apology,  they both felt totally awkward in each other’s company.  </p><p>Stuart had left eventually to go and get a shower and a nap before heading back up. He left Ben, Tina and Karen sitting outside the room feeling restless and useless but going nowhere.  Karen was cracking some jokes trying to lighten the mood but was having limited success. </p><p>Callum started in his chair and James looked over to him in a panic.  “I felt her squeeze my hand!” he said.  “She might be waking up! – Look, her eyes are fluttering!”  Before he could say anything else though, the doctor and a couple of nurses swooped in and chased them out the room, shutting the blinds and closing the door.  </p><p>Ben leapt out his seat and grabbed Callum by the hands.  “Everything okay babe?”  </p><p>“I think she’s waking up! Ben!  She’s waking up!”  </p><p>Ben hugged him before leading him to a seat and pulling him back in.  He rubbed the back of his head as Callum buried his face into his shoulder.  </p><p>They were all sitting up in their chairs for what felt like hours as nurses scooted in and out the room ignoring all requests for information.  Eventually though, the doctor came out and spoke to them.  Ainsley was indeed awake and seemed okay, woozy but she knew roughly what day it was and who the Prime Minister was, although she had no recall at all of the attack.  She was weak, and was in a bit of shock, not only about what happened, but also that she was pregnant.  She’d been out cold for 48 hours but her whole life had flipped in that time.  Callum stood up and asked if he could go in and see her.  The doctor looked to the floor and then to Ben before saying, “I’m sorry Callum.  She has asked for her husband only.  She doesn’t want to see anyone else right now.”   </p><p>Ben felt his heart break as his fiancé looked crestfallen.  He felt it as if his body was mirroring the pain Callum felt.  He’d take it though, he’d take all the pain in the world if it lessened it for Callum, even just a little bit.  “C’mon babe, let’s get some air” he said as Callum sobbed into his shoulder. </p><p>Karen was crying too as she looked at the scene.  She stood and placed her hands at either side of Callum’s head, gently thumbing away his tears.  “She’ll want to see you soon enough, Cal” she said.  “Just you wait.  Once she’s got her ‘ead around all this, she’s gonna grab hold of ya and never let go.  Just see if I’m wrong.”  And she pulled his head down to softly kiss his forehead before wrapping her arms around him and squeezing as hard as she could.  </p><p>“C’mon.” Ben broke the hug to lead Callum away.  He didn’t want him to watch James walk into Ainlsey’s room. </p><p>***** <br/>James went into the room and saw the bed had been raised up a bit that Ainsley was almost sitting up.  She looked terrible.  Her face was still badly swollen and she really only had one eye open, as the other eye, while not quite sealed, was a few days away from being fully open.  “Oh Ainsley!” he said as he sat on the side of the bed and took her hands.   <br/>“I’ve messed up so badly James.  So badly.” and she then broken down in tears. </p><p>He wept his own tears as he wiped away Ainsley’s.  “It’ll be okay darling.  It’ll be okay.  It’s done now.  It’s out in the open.  No more secrets.”  </p><p>*****<br/>Ben and Callum were sitting in the hospital garden again.  Callum’s sobs had stopped and he was just sighing now, in between the hiccoughs.  “Babe,” Ben was saying.  “She’s in shock.  We’ve had a couple of days to absorb what’s happened.  She’s just getting to grips with it.  You think she did all that she did, tracking you down, moving next to ya, getting to know ya, you think she did all that just to reject you now?!”  </p><p>Callum shook his head.  “Dunno” he sniffed before hiccoughing again.  “That’s before my dad tried to rape and kill her.”</p><p>“Babe, you heard what Mick told ya. What she said about you.  How amazing and gorgeous and good and loving and wonderful you are.  But d’ye know what?   See if this attack has changed things,  it ain’t, but if it has – it’s her loss.  If she don’t want be around for all this love and gorgeousness, well….. I am.”   </p><p>Callum blinked big droplets of tears and said quietly “I love you.”  Ben smiled softly and placed their foreheads together. </p><p>Callum then blew his nose, inhaled through it, breathing out through his mouth.  Ben made to stand up but Callum pulled him back down.   “I. Love. You.” and kissed him needily.</p>
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<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Plead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's been a really tough few months emotionally, and some anniversaries in recent days and weeks, so new chapters have been so sporadic, despite promises.  I only hope you haven't given up on the tale or me.  I strive to be more consistent and regular with updates. </p><p> </p><p>I hope you continue to enjoy this story of Callum and his mum.  I love being with them on their journey.  </p><p>All kudos and comments welcome!  ❤️</p>
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    <p>“I appreciate you being here,” Ainsley said to James as she tried to compose herself after the former couple had pretty much cried themselves dry.  “I wouldn’t have expected it; we’ve barely been civil to each other for months.”  </p><p><br/>“We are still married.  No matter what happens, I’ll always have love for you.  I would hope you feel the same, even if we’re not in love anymore.”  They looked at each other with soft eyes.  His voice quietened as he said “I hadn’t realised you’d met anyone.  Is there a reason why he’s not here?” </p><p>“Met someone?” </p><p>James gestured to her stomach.</p><p>“James, I can’t talk about that just now.  I’ve got so much to try and get my head round. Please. Can you just tell me; Callum?....” </p><p>“How much have the doctors told you?” James asked. </p><p>Ainsley answered softly.   “Well, I know that he knows who I am now.  How does he seem?  Is he angry?  Do you think he might want to see me?  I know he’s here. The nurses say he’s been here all the time?”  </p><p>“He didn’t leave your side for over 24 hours, but his partner and brother forced him home last night. He only agreed on the proviso that Stuart stayed instead.” James explained.</p><p>“Stuart is here?!?!” Ainsley sat up but winced as she did so. </p><p>James tried to sooth her saying “Yes, but darling you don’t have to see or speak to anyone until you’re ready, listen…” Ainsley made to speak but James held his hand up.  He had to tell her it was his fault that Callum knew.  </p><p>Ainsley sat still and quiet letting James speak.  Her motionless body belied her mind that was whirling like a tempest, and her tummy that was churning like a washing machine.  She’d been on the tube, hot and tired but so excited for the engagement party and then the very next minute she had woken up in hospital, supposedly days later, battered, bruised, pregnant and Callum knew she was his mum.  How had this all happened?!   It must be some sort of crazy bad dream. Has to be. She had tuned James out by now, focussed only on trying to wake herself up out of this hell.   She started to nip her arm to see if she would snap her awake.  Nope.  Nothing.  She began to nip harder, moving her fingers to the most delicate spot,  the skin underneath the upper arm.  Nip. Nip. Nip. Nip. Nip.  Why wasn’t it working?!  She became more and more frantic trying to escape what she believed was a nightmare, before James grabbed her arms and shouted, “Ainsley! AINSLEY! STOP IT!! PLEASE STOP!!!!  STOP!!!”   </p><p>***</p><p>Callum and Ben were heading back to Ainsley’s room, Ben gently squeezing Callum’s hand as they walked along when they heard James shouting.   Callum started running but kept a hold of Ben as he did, tugging him along.  By the time they got there it seemed all hell had broken out.  Two nurses had run into the room when they heard James shouting and it seemed their presence had just exacerbated Ainsley’s nervous state, and she was now having a full meltdown.  </p><p>As the nipping hadn’t woken her up, her next instinct was to just run.  If she ran and ran, she must surely wake.  Something had to stop this.  She thought if only she could get back on the tube.  Maybe it was like sliding doors.  She’d get on the train, the doors would close, and she’d be back in the yellow dress, hot, tired but happy and this could just be a vague memory from last night’s bad dream. </p><p>Unfortunately for Ainsley, she couldn’t run anywhere. As she had tried to get out the bed her legs gave way beneath her, so the nurses were trying to hold her up and calm her down at the same time.  They’d shooed James away, and he was reluctantly backing out the room as Callum crashed in.  </p><p>“What’s wrong?!” he exclaimed, panic rising in his chest.  “What’s happened? What’s going on?!”  Ben was at his back and trying but failing to pull him back out the chaos of the room.   </p><p>On seeing Callum, Ainsley redoubled her efforts to escape, wriggling and wrestling with the nurses, in spite of her impotent legs.  “Let me go!” she screamed.  She couldn’t understand why she hadn’t woken up yet.  Surely this couldn’t be real?  Was everything she’d been told actually true?  She began to beg.   “Don’t let him see him me!  Please! He’s my son!  I can’t have him to see me like this! He can’t see me like this! Please! Please!”  </p><p>Hearing her words, Callum became almost equally distressed as he continued to try and wrestle free from Ben and now also Stuart, both trying to get him out the room.  “NO!” he pleaded.   “Please PLEASE!  Mum!  Please!  Don’t send me away!  I’ve just found you!  Don’t send me away! Please, don’t send me away!” </p><p>Ainsley immediately stilled.  Hearing Callum’s words broke her heart.  He couldn’t possibly think she didn’t want him.  She couldn’t let him think that.  Her instinct to protect herself evaporated, replaced with a need to not have Callum hurting.  </p><p>When Ainsley stilled, so did Callum, and a calm finally descended on the room just as the doctor, armed with a sedative, entered.</p><p><br/>Her voice now soft, Ainsley asked the nurses to help her back into bed.   As they did so, the doctor tried to clear the room, but then Ainsley spoke again.  “Let him stay, doctor. Callum.  Let him stay.  Please.”  </p><p>Surveying the scene and knowing some of her patient's story, the doctor looked at Callum and nodded that he could stay.  Stuart released his grip, and Ben loosened his, moving his hand down to clasp Callum’s, placing his other hand in the small of his back.  Callum turned to him, falling into a tight embrace.  Ben gently rubbed his hand on the back of his head as comfort, before moving to rub his cheek and thumb away the tears.  He leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips before whispering “I’ll be standing right outside the door, okay?  Right outside.”  Callum nodded mournfully mouthing “thank you” as Ben walked to the door, although slowly so they could hold each other’s hands for as long as possible. </p><p>He turned towards the bed, where Ainsley was now propped up, as one of the nurses ran a brush through her hair.  The doctor had also agreed to a slower acting sedative, rather than the heavy duty syringe that had been primed for the earlier behaviour, and after Ainsley had swallowed the substitute pill, the room cleared, leaving mother and son alone.  </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mother and son are reunited at last.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much for still being here on this journey.  I have hope for them!   </p><p>Again, all kudos and comments are gratefully received xxx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mother and son gazed at each other, the air between them thick with tension.  Neither seemed even to be breathing as the minutes passed.   Ainsley eventually broke the silence, speaking almost in a whisper.  “You…, you called me mum.”</p><p>Callum’s face broke into a nervous, unsure smile as he said “Well, you are, ain’t ya?”  His voice was croaky with nerves and a single tear rolled down his cheek. </p><p>“Yes.  Yes, I am.”  She said as tears began to spill down her own face.  “and I’m sorry.  I am so sorry.” </p><p>Callum breathed out  “What for?!”</p><p>“Everything.  I know you’re hurting and it’s killing me.  Your life has been turned upside down because of decisions I’ve made, and if you’ll let me,  I’ll explain, I’ll explain it all,  but right now, I just… I just want to touch you.  Can I hold you?  Please?” </p><p>Before she could even take a breath, Ainsley found herself enveloped in the biggest, tightest hug she’d ever received.  Her face was crushed into Callum’s shoulder, but she didn’t care.  His hold gave her life.</p><p> </p><p>They both sobbed into each other, releasing the tension of the last few days;  releasing the tensions of a lifetime.  Ainsley clung on to Callum and didn’t think she could ever let go.  She couldn’t believe that she could finally hold him again.  Hold her son and have him know who she was. </p><p>The hug loosened eventually, and there was a lot of mopping up of tears and snot, all with embarrassed chuckles.  Ainsley placed a hand at the side of his head,  taking a tissue and gently wiping Callum’s face, dabbing at his eyes.  She gazed at him in awe.  </p><p>***</p><p>There was a tiny break in one of the blinds, and Karen was observing them through the glass with tears in her own eyes.  She gestured Ben over to look.  “See, I told ya it’d be alright.  The only other person I’ve seen look at ‘im with that much love in their eyes is you!” She cackled quietly and gave him a playful shove with her hip.  Ben shoved her back and asked “eh, can I actually get a look?!”   He gazed on his lover with soft eyes filled with gentle concern.  Maybe it could be okay.  He knew you couldn’t fake that kind of love. </p><p>***</p><p>Unaware they were being watched, Ainsley spoke to Callum in almost a whisper.  “Let me look at you” and she held his face in her hands.  Gently thumbing two tiny little scars in his forehead, she queried if he’d had chickenpox as a kid, which he confirmed with a nod, adding that the itching had driven him crazy.  Her thumbs moved and then stroked his eyebrows and she looked in his eyes, mesmerised.  “They’ve never changed” she said.  “They were this blue from the moment you were born. I’ll show the picture,   if you would like?” and Callum gave a gentle, almost imperceptible nod this time as a rogue tear spilled down his cheek.  Ainsley pulled him towards her and kissed it away and, with a look of wonderment on her face, she continued her journey of committing every part of her beautiful son’s face to memory.    </p><p>She whispered “so soft” as she stroked his cheek, and then gently thumbed his lips too.  “You get those from your great granny” she said with a smile.  “She worked selling lipsticks on the make-up counter in Selfridges” Callum chuckled and wondered aloud how she knew.   </p><p>“I’ve become quite good at searching family information on the internet” she answered coyly, just before she had to stifle a yawn that came without warning. </p><p>“You should get rest now, <em>mum</em>” Callum said giving a gentle smile, his eyes twinkling with wetness. </p><p>Ainsley looked unsure and her bottom lip trembled.  “Will you come back?  Can I see you again?  Will you give me the chance to explain, at least?”  Another ninja yawn came again without warning.</p><p>Callum placed a hand on the side of her head and said “I promise you I’m not going anywhere.  <em>Mum</em>.”</p><p>“Will you stay with me ‘til I fall asleep?” </p><p>“Of course,” and he leaned in to kiss her forehead.   </p><p>Ainsley lay back and Callum fixed the bedding around her before pulling the chair over next to the bed.  He sat and took her hand in his as she closed her eyes.  She quickly opened them again.  

"Callum?"  

"Yeah?" 

"I love you." 

Just a second later, she was fast asleep. </p>
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<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Foundation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you're still enjoying and all kudos and comments welcome 🥰</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ainsley woke up and was instantly aware her hand was still being held, as it had when she had drifted off to sleep.  As she roused, Callum sat up and asked if she was okay, still using that wonderful word ‘mum' every time he addressed her. </p><p>‘Oh, Callum! Tell me you did not sit here all the time I was asleep!!”</p><p>“No, mum.” Her heart swelled each time she heard him say it. “I’ve been home, eaten, slept, showered, breakfasted and come back.  You've been asleep for 14 hours!”</p><p>“Apart from the very lovely drugs they serve round here, you.. this… us… I can sleep easy.  I know you are loved, protected, safe but more than anything else, you’re in my life.   We’ve a lot to talk over, but if the world ended right now, I’d die happy” and she laughed out loud, but had to wince as her broken ribs protested. </p><p>“Mum?!”</p><p>She took a sharp intake of breath, “I’m alright! Promise!  My ribs.  I shouldn’t make myself laugh. But I’m just giddy with happiness!” </p><p>She reached out her hand and stroked his face.  “You are the most gorgeous person I’ve ever laid eyes on.  Just, just beautiful” and she sighed.</p><p>Callum smiled shyly and his dimples appeared as his face flushed red, all the way to the tips of his ears. </p><p>“Does Ben know how lucky he is?”</p><p>Callum snuffled a laugh.  “Yeah, he knows"</p><p>“Does he know I’m going to remind him now every time I see him?”</p><p>“Mum?!”</p><p>“Does he?!”</p><p>“Not yet…” and he lovingly rolled his eyes, and they gazed at each other for a moment in blissful wonder.</p><p>Callum broke the silence, using Ainsley's new favourite word. </p><p>“Mum?”</p><p>“Yes, darlin'?”</p><p>“About talking…”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“How would you feel… I’ve spoken to a couple of people in work.  They’ve recommended someone who can maybe help us through all this.”</p><p>Ainsley's face fell, but she tried to cover it up with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes.  “Sure.  Of course.  That’s the sensible thing to do, absolutely.”</p><p>The silence between them became a little awkward before Ainsley had to ask.</p><p>“Will I see you apart from that? Maybe for a coffee or something?”</p><p>“What?! No! Of course!  But, mum, we <em>do</em> need talk.  About dad. What he did. Then and now.“</p><p>It was the first time they had acknowledged anything about their shared history, and what brought them together now.</p><p>“James told me you saw him running away? And you told the police?  It can’t have been an easy thing to do.  I would’ve understood if you hadn’t, but I’m grateful. I don’t remember anything.  I still wouldn’t have known it was him….”</p><p>“I would’ve told them, even if I didn’t know you or who you are to me.  He’s a monster.”</p><p>“He gave me you though.”  </p><p>“But then he took me from you!  What kind of psychopath does something like that?!” </p><p>“It wasn’t just him, Callum.” Ainsley eyes looked downward and she picked at the bedding.  “My dad played a major role in that. Major.  But maybe this conversation we can wait til I’m out of here and feeling a bit stronger?”  </p><p>Callum nodded, there was so much he wanted to know, so many questions to ask, but he didn't need to be a counsellor to know it was a conversation <em>he </em>would also need strength for.  Ben had talked to him about it last night, told him his concerns about what effect the events,  the truth of Callum’s history, would have.  Ben knew from his own experiences how the actions of your parents can impact the very essence of how you define yourself.  He still had times when he wobbled at the memory of “losing” his own mother and then when she “came back” subsequently wrestling with who he was, who he could've been, would’ve been, if she'd been there.  Knowing what he did of Callum’s upbringing, he warned him it was not going to be easy.</p><p>Ainsley saw he was deep in thought and softly placed a finger under his chin to raise his gaze.  They were working gently in sync, where one’s mind would wander, the other would bring them back round and then vice versa.</p><p>“We could ignore the elephant in the room for a little longer and maybe talk about maybe me helping with rearranging your engagement party – given I so rudely interrupted the last one?”</p><p>“Sure!  I'd like that, a lot!  And I think Ben would like it too.  Can I bring him? Like, formally introduce him, I mean, I know you’ve met him already,  but like, as in “mum, this is my fiancé"?” </p><p>“I’d like that, a lot too!  I can begin my daily reminders of how lucky he is.” </p><p>Callum beamed a smile and squeezed her hand. </p><p>“Before you do though, can I ask – where is Stuart?   I need to see him, talk to him. “</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, course.  He’s around.   I'll text him.   But let me go and get Ben first.”</p><p>He did, and Callum grinned as he did actually do formal introductions.  Ainsley spotted that Ben was holding back though.  It was as if their roles were reversed, Ben being the parental figure, uneasy about this new person in Callum’s life, wondering if this person could be trusted not to break his heart, and Ainsley as the sparkly new object of Callum’s affection, him diving in headfirst with no thought to his mental safety or wellbeing.  She understood though, this silent judgement.  </p><p>“Callum is very lucky to have you, Ben.” Ainsley said.</p><p>Callum laughed and said, “That is like the complete opposite of what you said you’d say!” </p><p>“I know, but he loves you Callum, it radiates from him.  And he protects you too.  Even against me, and it’s right that he does. It’s as heartwarming as it is painful.” </p><p>Callum’s phone rang but he wasn’t sure whether to answer or not, as he could feel the leaden air between his fiancé and his mother. </p><p>“It’s Stuart" he said, holding the phone up “Should I…?”</p><p>“Please answer it and ask him to come.” Ainsley said.  “We'll be alright, won’t we Ben?” Her voice quivered though, giving away her nerves.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” Ben answered.  “Speak to Stuart.  Me and ya mum, we’ll be okay.” He smiled at Callum and winked, and Callum finally answered the call, stepping out the room. </p><p>“I hope we can be, Ben.  Be okay, that is.  I know you need to protect him, but please.  I know you were suspicious of me, maybe still are, but you’re a dad - can you try and think about this with a parent head on?”</p><p>Ben looked at her, and then thought of Lexi.  The daughter whose life he chose not to be a part of for a while and how grateful he was he came to his senses and would never not be part of her life again.  He realised he had only been viewing the situation as a child, petulant and fearful of being usurped <em>again </em>in the affections of someone he loved.   But Ainsley had spoken honestly about how she knew he was reticent about her and he was impressed that she seemed to respect that.  He respected that.</p><p>“Well, now I know your intentions are honourable…”</p><p>“I never wanted this" Ainsley said, her voice breaking.  “Well, that’s a lie, of course I did, deep down.  But not like <em>this</em>.  If I could’ve stopped any of it, but knowing he’s got you – I rest a bit easier.” </p><p>“I’m here for him and I will help him try and establish a relationship with ya, but he’s only ever going to be my priority.  I worry that in the excitement, you’ve both forgotten that you’ll have a new priority in a few months…” and Ben pointed at her stomach. </p><p>Ainsley looked shocked as his words hit her and Ben recognised, with more than a little concern, that Ainsley had, if not forgotten, at least ignored the fact she pregnant.  Before he could say anything more though, Callum breezed back in, and announced Stuart was on his way.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>Stuart took his time getting to the hospital.  He really didn’t want to see Ainsley.  Too many bad memories had come to the surface, and it was bad enough they were there, bubbling away.  He didn’t want to have to touch them, have to explore them, and an awake <strike>Ally</strike> Ainsley would force him to do just  that.  That and having to acknowledge again that Callum wasn’t as genetically close to him as he thought.  What if Callum began to love him less?  He only ever wanted to protect him and even though he messed up a lot when he did, and his brother regularly forgave him, maybe he wouldn’t be so keen to do so in the future.  Callum had pushed him away in the past.  What if he took the opportunity of this lesser familial link to push him away for good?  He'd would do everything he could not to let it happen, he needed his brother in his life, and would still do anything he had to, to protect him.  Even if all that meant letting the ghosts loose.  He texted Callum to let him know he’d arrived as he plodded into the hospital with a heavy, heavy heart. </p><p>Ainsley asked Callum and Ben to help her stand up for Stuart’s arrival, and they could both feel her body tremble as they did so.</p><p>“Are you sure you’re alright to do this?!” It was Ben who spoke up. </p><p>Ainsley just nodded, her lips pulled tight into a line, her eyes unblinking, watching the door. </p><p>“Don’t hate me for this Callum, but once he’s here, can you leave us?  I'm not meaning to exclude you, but… well, Stuart and I have a lot of unpleasant memories to face.  You understand?”</p><p>Callum nodded that he did understand although it still hurt.  It was a reminder to him though, that this was bigger than just him.  When Stuart arrived and he and Ben had left the room, he leaned into his fiancé, and wearily asked “take me home?”  Ben stroked his face, looking at him with eyes brimming full of love, answering the question with the softest of kisses pressed on Callum’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>After Callum and Ben had left the room, Stuart and Ainsley just stood facing one another, the atmosphere thick between them, filled with the demons of their childhoods.  Stuart broke his gaze first, looking at the floor, shuffling his feet, looking like he was ready to run.  Ainsley stepped forward, faltering slightly and  softly pleading,  “Please?”  She took another step forward, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his chest, sobbing.  Stuart didn’t know what to do, letting her hang from him, but with his own arms useless, flapping at his sides.  He could feel her talking, muffling into his shirt, repeating something over and over, and he pulled her back to hear.  She was thanking him, again and again and again.</p><p>“Why are you thanking me? I ain’t done nuffin! What?” </p><p>“Are you kiddin' me?! Stuart, your brother is an angel walking among us and that’s down to you. You’re my fucking hero because it wasn’t me and it sure as hell wasn’t Jonno.  Do you never look at how amazing he is and realise it’s down to you?!”</p><p>“Nah. Weren’t me" Stuart protested.  “He was born good, that ‘un.  Made more sense to me, you know, when Mick filled me in.”</p><p>Ainsley stretched up and placed her hands on his head, forcing him to look at her. </p><p>“If that’s true, that means you think he’d be the man he is today if you weren’t there.  You can’t believe that, surely?  He’s the sweetest, most amazing person I’ve ever met, and no matter how good you think he was born you think he’d be the way he is if it had just been him and Jonno?”</p><p>Stuart blinked hard and swallowed at her words.  He hadn’t known what to expect -  seeing again the little girl he saw his father rape that night, finding out she was his brother’s true mother, the memories of that whole hellish year creeping out the Pandora’s box he thought he had them securely locked  -  but whatever his expectations it wasn’t this.  He surely couldn’t take any credit for Callum.  He didn’t raise him, he just protected him. But what if he hadn’t been there? What if Callum <em>had</em> been left alone with Jonno?  Maybe, <em>maybe</em>, he could take a little credit?</p><p>“Is that what you think?”  his voice was breaking now. “Really?”  </p><p>Ainsley nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks, slipping into lips that were smiling at him.  Stuart investigated her face, her eyes bruised and swollen, realising the past catches up with everyone eventually, no matter how much you try to keep it locked away.  He stopped trying to squash the lid down and let the demons spill out as easily as the tears now spilled down his face.  He wrapped his arms around Ainsley and allowed his heart to break, sobbing like he wished he could‘ve as that battered 12 yr old all those years ago.  All the tears he kept inside after every beating from Jonno; after every sick inducing touch and assault by that officer; after every beating he took to save Callum; the floodgates were open now and he let it all out, his cries like a wounded animal muffled into Ainsley's shoulders.  She was struggling to stand, carrying his weight on her battered, but she found the strength from somewhere, because she hadn’t lied.  He <em>had</em> saved as much of precious and pure Callum as he could from Jonno and she really did think of him as a hero.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>A couple of days later and Ainsley was being released from hospital.  Callum was excited and had talked Ben into collecting her with a fancy, roomy car that was newly on the car lot.  Stuart was already at the hospital, in fact Callum was a bit annoyed as he hadn’t really left Ainsley’s side since he arrived at her request, so Callum hadn’t any real one-on-one time with her.  It would be easier once she back on the Square though. </p><p>Ainsley shuffled round the room checking her locker again to see if she had left anything.   “I know, I know, I didn’t bring anything in, or well, at least nothing the police haven’t taken away and kept.  It’s just what you do, innit?”</p><p>Callum belly laughed “since when do you say “innit”?” </p><p>“I’ll be saying it all the time if it gets that laugh each time.” she answered, pulling him in and down so she could kiss the top of his head. </p><p>Ben spoke up also laughing “You, eh, might wanna just kiss the side of head to be honest, a top hair out of place is one of his triggers.” </p><p>Callum scowled at him but then Stuart quipped that he had no such issues if head top kisses were going around.  </p><p>They headed through the hospital, Callum having insisted on carrying what little Ainsley had to take with her, mainly pyjamas kindly brought up by Karen who had visited every other day, filling her head up with gossip and fluff, being a welcome break from all the heavy stuff Ainsley had to face, the stuff that when alone, she lay in the hospital bed, thinking up ways to avoid it.</p><p>As they walked, Ainsley took Callum’s arm to steady her as she walked.  He let a little distance build up between them and Ben and Stuart walking in front.   “Listen mum, I was thinking… you’ll need someone to help you around the house for a little while, right?  So, what I thought was that I could move in for a few days or however long…” </p><p>“Have you discussed this with Ben yet?”</p><p>“Not yet, no.”</p><p>“Any reason why not?”</p><p>Callum was silent and Ainsley gestured to some plastic chairs screwed on the corridor wall.</p><p>They sat down and Ainsley said, “You didn’t tell him, because he’d tell you it’s a bad idea, right?”</p><p>Callum nodded his head softly, his eyes looking at her mournfully.   </p><p>“I want nothing more than to never let you out my sight ever again.  It scares me how much I love you, but it scares me more that I might mess it up.  We know he’s right.  We need to listen to the people that know us best.”</p><p>Callum nodded his head again, but spoke this time saying, “I know.  I know, he’s right.  But I’m worried, mum.  Dad’s still out there and I don’t want you alone in your house and  him thinking he can come back and finish the job.”    </p><p>“I won’t be alone, though Callum.  Stuart’s going to stay with me for a bit.”</p><p>Callum looked surprised and hurt.  “Why did you let him talk you into that?!  If dad comes round, he’ll kill him.  I know ‘im.  I know he wants to kill him and he’ll do it given ‘alf a chance!”</p><p>“You dad won’t come round, Callum.  We both know he’s a coward and he’ll know I won’t be alone.  That’s part of the reason I asked Stuart to stay.”</p><p>“<em>You</em> asked <em>him</em>?!”</p><p>“Yes, I asked him.  Callum, I promise, I’m not stupid.  I know Stuart wants to kill Jonno, and  we both know he really means to do it but look at it this way – It’ll buy us some time.”</p><p>“What d’ya mean, time?! Time for what?! ”</p><p>“Time to try and calm him down.  Callum, if Stuart is in my house looking after me, then he won’t be out looking for your dad.”</p><p>Out the corner of her eye she could see Stuart and Ben coming to look for them. </p><p>“But how about you and Ben come and stay over the weekend?  We could do a take-away?  Nice bottle of wine?  Stuart tells me he does mean fry up, for breakfast.  And maybe we can talk about getting an appointment with your friend?”  She couldn’t help but stroke his cheek and thumbed over his eyebrow.</p><p>She was relieved to see Callum brighten at the idea and they headed to the car chatting lightly about what sort of Chinese they’d order at the weekend, and if Ainsley was into Marvel and superhero movies.  (She’d seen some, loved Iron Man and was looking forward to Callum teaching her about all the rest.)</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>Their sessions with the family counsellor started quickly and were much tougher than either of them had really anticipated.  Ainsley was finding it hard to tell Callum the whole story, even though he knew most of it; she was petrified that going into the details would be too devastating and they wouldn’t be able to get past it.   Callum, on the other hand craved to know everything.  Ben had been right, and he was struggling with who he was versus who he thought he could have been. </p><p>Where Ainsley was terrified of him knowing everything, Callum was terrified of <em>not</em> knowing everything.  What other axis shifting curveballs were out there for him?  </p><p>The counsellor helped them reach a compromise where for the next while at least, rather than Ainsley tell the story, she would just answer Callum’s questions.  She committed to answering honestly, leaving nothing out, but not going further than was asked either.  The logic was that Callum would find out what he needed to know at a pace he needed to know it.  They would still spend time together outside the counselling room but use that time to get to know each other better, talking about films, books, or pineapple on pizza.</p><p>His first question knocked her for six though. </p><p>“Who’s the father?” and he gestured to her now visible bump.</p><p>Seeing they obviously hadn’t broached the subject yet, and clocking Ainsley’s reaction, the counsellor bought her some time by asking Callum why it was so important to him, in the grand scheme of things. </p><p>“This whole thing is about hidden parentage; I can’t ignore it.  Pregnancy.  It’s traditionally supposed to be joyful and celebrated, but already there are new secrets.  How can work through any of this, any of it, when there’s already more deception.</p><p>Neither Ainsley nor the counsellor could argue with the logic, and Ainsley hung her head in shame.</p><p>“I’ve not spoken to the father about it yet” was what she managed to say.</p><p>The counsellor who had moments ago been her friend, became her enemy.  “That wasn’t the question, Ainsley.”</p><p>She looked up at Callum, sitting across from her and saw steely determination in his eyes.  It looked like a challenge, but she knew it was really a need.  He needed a strong foundation to rebuild who he and accept where he came from.  She couldn’t deny him.  She took a deep breath.</p><p>“Mick.”  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Progress?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This will be the last chapter for a few weeks.   I'm sorry!  I'm struggling a bit with writing two involved stories at the same time and think focusing on just one multi-chapter fic at a time will benefit both stories in the long term - particularly this one.  </p><p>It will only be a few weeks though - definitely picked up and running again by February.  </p><p>Thanks again for your patience, and as always, kudos and comments are always greatly received and appreciated.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“And you ain’t told him?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m guessing he’s worked it out but no, I haven’t discussed it with him.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You keeping it?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Another question that knocked her for six. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I didn’t know before I was attacked, Callum.  I’m still processing it.  Probably?” Her voice was quiet and almost monotone. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“D'ye love ‘im?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Who? Mick?!  No! Look, it was the night I saw Jonno.  First time I'd seen your dad in, well, 28 yrs and 9 months?  Mick overheard us as you know and well, you pretty much know the rest.  It was an emotional night, and it’s not my proudest moment, but I don’t regret it.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The counsellor stepped in.  “What’s on your mind Callum?  You know the honesty commitment needs to work both ways.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m being daft. Don’t matter.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“It obviously does matter, Callum” the counsellor said.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Well, it’ll be different won’t it.  A baby born out of love, not rape.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You were born out of love.” Ainsley said softly.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“’Ow d'ya figure that then?” Callum looked at her and she thought she might burst with emotion.  Seeing his two pools of ocean blue, blinking softly to fight back the tears that threatened to spill, she literally felt strings tugging at her heart. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Because <em>I</em>  loved you.  From the minute I realised you were growing inside me, when I could feel you kick, like you were letting me know you were okay, it was something… well, it was just you and me, and I only ever thought of you as mine.  No-one else’s.  And you were born, immediately afterwards, it was still just us two.  I held you, looked into your eyes and everything bad that ever happened in my life just disappeared.  You flooded me with love and holding you… snuffling and wriggly, those blue eyes, still the only shade of blue like that I’ve ever seen, it was like you were staring into my soul.  It wasn’t- isn’t – about how you were conceived.  You took all the pain away, Callum. Don’t you see?  You were, you <em>are,</em> what made it all better.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Callum dropped his head into his hands and he broke down, long and loud sobs and his mum fell to her knees in front of him, holding him tight, letting him rock gently, as he finally released the pain of the last few weeks. </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>*** </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>That conversation had been a breakthrough for them and the sessions, while still tiring, were nowhere near as gruelling as they’d been at first.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>There were still some things that needed to be said, predominantly between Ainsley had Mick.  They had seen each other, but were never alone and it was another reason she was pleased to have Stuart around. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Stuart of course had resolutely refused to consider any form of counselling, but many evenings he and Ainsley had engaged in very difficult conversations, and he slowly opened up more than he’d ever done. That they had this shared past, the horrors of that particular night when he'd walked in, helped no end.  He was comfortable with Ainsley and trusted her.  He'd found it scary at first, but the more he talked, the less angry he felt, less out of control. He and Callum had become closer too, with Ainsley and Ben often deliberately taking twice as long to wash dishes or clean up the kitchen after a takeaway, finding that encouraging an organic atmosphere in the house really helped the brothers talk out what they needed to. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She and James had stayed amicable too, and he would come over for a morning coffee and check how she was doing at least once every couple of weeks. They had finally agreed terms for divorce, but he admitted to being conflicted; he was with Claire, they had their son and he loved them dearly, but he still wanted to take care of Ainsley too, still feeling protective of his, now ex, wife. He did seem reassured that Stuart was there though, even if the peace between the two men was uneasy. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Despite the Mick conversation being avoided, and the fact that no-one, including the police, had found hide nor hair of Jonno, everyone seemed to be in a good place and Christmas was fast approaching.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You should go, Stuart" Ainsley had said one day at the start of December.  “Go stay with your girls for Christmas.  Or bring them back?   I’ll be fine.  Jonno's not coming back.  He was never a patient man – he would have shown up by now if he was gonna.  I’ve got Ben working across the Square and Callum’s just around the corner.  You haven’t seen your family for too long.  Go!” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Stuart nodded, “I do miss them.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m recovered now, bones all healed, bruises gone.  I’m good and will be fine.   Go, before Abi forgets what you look like!” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The next week, he was packed and ready to head down to Exeter.  He left just after breakfast, heading for the Tube and Ainsley closed the door after waving him off.  She had a special place in her heart for Stuart, and had vowed to always be there for him, but he <em>was</em> hard work.  Three months was a long time to spend with him, pretty much 24/7, so she was glad to get a little time and space for herself.  She shuffled into the kitchen and switched on the kettle, before heading upstairs to pee.  Again.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She heard a hammering at door and sighed.  Stuart must've forgotten something, and from the hammering, he’d obviously left his keys too.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>By the time she got to the front door though,  there was no-one there.  She huffed and was making her way to the kitchen when she heard the back door rattle.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m coming, I’m coming!”  she shouted with fake exasperation.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She stopped as entered the kitchen, the door wasn’t being knocked, but just quietly rattled, like someone was trying to pick the lock. The shape of the person outside unnerved her too as it was smaller and slimmer than what Stuart’s outline would be.  She nervously stepped forward, her breathing shaky as she pulled the little curtain back. She gasped, jumping back like she’d received an electric shock.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You fink I’d wouldn’t come back did ya?”  the voice shouted through the glass.  “Well, now ya minder's gone, heeeere's Jonno!”  and he began to batter and kick the door. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She was frozen to the spot, petrified until she felt herself showered in broken glass.  It propelled her to move and she ran, tripping and scrambling away from the door as Jonno tapped in more glass to put his hand through and unlock the door.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ainsley was still on the floor desperately jabbing 999 on her phone before leaning on the wall to try and stand up and run.   Blood smeared as pressed her hand, as there were little shards of glass everywhere.  “POLICE!” she shouted at the operator.  “43 Albert Square!! He’s gonna kill me!! Help!!!!” and then she screamed as her head was jerked back as Jonno grabbed her hair.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Her phone flew from her hand as her attempt to flee was abruptly stopped, and she fell back at the surprise force coming from the wiry little man.  He lost his grip as she fell, and she again began to crawl frantically to escape, screaming and shouting the whole time, trying to make as much noise as possible.  Reaching the side of the stairs she hauled herself up, more blood smearing on the banister spindles. As she stood, her head spun as she had stood up too quickly.  She swayed momentarily before everything went dark.  </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>Ben was showing a customer a little runaround on the car lot forecourt when he heard the police cars screeching into the Square.  Looking over, he saw them stop outside Ainsley's and the officers running to try and break down the front door.  His stomach lurched and he abandoned his customer, bolting across the Square, calling Callum as he ran.  By the time he reached the house the door was wide open and he ran in.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The hallway was a mess, he could see blood smears on the floor and walls and he felt his legs weaken as he saw an unconscious Ainsley lying crumpled at the foot of the stairs.  A police officer challenged who he was and he quickly confirmed that Ainsley was his mother-in-law (a little white lie but she was as good as) and they allowed him to stay, reassuring him that ambulances were en route.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Ambulances? Plural?” he asked. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Yeah, look, can you identify this other person here, in the kitchen?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Whaaaa?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He walked forward, stepping carefully around Ainsley who was being tended to by another officer, who was rubbing her arm reassuringly, promising help was on it’s way, even though she was still unconscious.  As he peered into the kitchen, he was shocked by what he saw.  The kitchen looked destroyed and there, in a pool of blood, beaten to a pulp and almost unrecognisable, lay Jonno. </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I haven't decided if Jonno lives or dies yet.  I'm inclined to let him survive, too often in soaps the bad guy dies and technically evades justice, but I'm open to persuasion :)   If you feel passionate about it, one way or the other, let me know!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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